Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance
by MoonDrop162
Summary: With a cry of despair and confusion, Addy caved in on herself with the voices pounding away at her soul. And then… black. Everything was quiet. Quiet, black, and dead. Fem!Kirk. SPOILER ALERT: Into Darkness. Rated M for graphic scenes in later chapters.
1. Winning at the End

**Okay, so I've had this idea sitting in my head for, like, ever, and I had to write it. I'm not abandoning Innocence, I just needed to do this scene, and the aftermath when she wakes up in the hospital, because, let's face it, Kirk and Spock were kind of meant to be. At least, in my head. Is that just me? That might just be a me thing...**

**Anyway, I hope you guys like this. I tried to make this a one shot, but that felt too forced to me, so I'm going to have this be a two chapter thing, methinks. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Kisses!**

**MD**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction._**

* * *

If asked, Adelaide wouldn't have done a single thing different. Well… okay, she might have kissed Spock a couple of times. Up against a wall. With a decided lack of clothing. But! He was alive, so how could she honestly complain? And she would do this all over again, just to save his life. Always his life. There was nothing Addy wouldn't do for the lives of her crew. Though, to be honest, the whole dying via radiation sickness kind of put a damper on her plans for the day.

It had taken her an immeasurable amount of time to crawl back to the glass door. Her muscles had been spasming, and something in her ribs felt cracked. Wasn't surprising, really. The shock wave from the warp core jumping back to life had blown her the thirty feet back, and propelled her right down on top of a metal pipe of some sort before she crashed to the floor with a cry of agony. She'd lost feeling in everything below her waist after that, and her legs hadn't responded to any kind of effort to move them around. Which, at the time, although alarming, could admittedly be pushed to the back burner.

Scotty had been waiting for her when she gimped back through to the safety door using her bruised and overworked arms. She'd cocked her arrogant smile, sweat dripping in to her burning eyes and stinging them all to Hell. He'd scowled hard at her, not bothering to wipe away the tears, then kind of crumpled and looked defeated. With one last hopeless glance, and a full body shudder, he'd shuffled off to the console.

Addy panted, her breath ratting deep in her chest. It felt like every cell in her body was crying. She leaned her throbbing head against the doorframe, watching in fascination as her breath fogged up the glass every time she exhaled. She could see patterns in the condensation of peoples' shoe marks, fingers, and any manner of other things that didn't retain the moisture as well as the untainted glass. Her head pounded. Her fingers were going numb. Everything below her hips was dead weight. Not the most fun way to die.

When Spock appeared in front of her, breath heavy from what was probably him running through the ship, Addy figured out why Scotty had left. Blast that Scottish engineer. She hadn't wanted to do this in front of _Spock_ of all people.

"Open it," Addy's eyebrows twitched. If Spock wasn't a Vulcan, she would have thought that his deep baritone resonated with a tinge of… fear.

Fascinating.

Adelaide couldn't hear Scotty's response over the ringing in her ears, but by the tightening of Spock's shaking fists, she guessed the answer to that was a resounding no. Which was fine, it would be stupid to open it anyway when the radiation hadn't been removed from the room. Oh, that reminded her…

Spock slowly knelt down closer to her level where she was sprawled out twitching on the ground and watched curiously as she heaved her upper body high enough for her shaking arm to press the right control button to shut the other safety door behind her. She heard the soft hiss of the airlock, and the soft whirr of the ventilations pumping the dangerous radiation out of the room, but she knew with a grim sort of humor that it wouldn't complete the task in time to save her life. There was nothing that could be done now, not for Adelaide. She was dying, and this time, there was no way for her to think herself out of the situation. She could see that her First Officer reached the same conclusion when the skin around his eyes and mouth tightened minutely, and he leaned just _that_ much closer to the door. Hazily, somewhere in the back of her mind, Addy could tell that meant that his neutral Vulcan mask was barely being kept in place, and that… well, that scared her more than something as simple as death did.

Shit.

"How's our ship?" she asked softly. _Please, please, please, God, please! Let this have worked. Let this not have been in vain._ Spock nodded.

"Out of danger." Addy let out a breath of relief she'd been holding, and closed her eyes to revel in the feeling. In hindsight, probably a bad idea. It felt too _good_ to have her eyes closed. What was the point in opening them again when she was just so _tired_ and keeping them closed meant she was done, no one expected anything anymore, she could sleep and just…

With a great effort, Adelaide wrenched her eyes open. Spock's gaze was piercing, as if he could will her back in to repair if he stared hard enough through the glass. At least, he looked that way for the first few seconds… until her eyes glazed over, and everything too close to her became a blurry mesh of colors blended together with no definition. Scotty she could see fine, and even Spock's legs were in better focus, but his face was an olive color with shocks of black, fading to the blue of a science officer.

Maybe not the best sign.

"You saved the crew." A statement. An observation. An accusation? Addy couldn't tell. She was just so damn _tired_.

"You used what he wanted against him," _gasp_ "That's a…" _Pant, _"Nice move." _Wheeze._

Spock's mouth twitched almost imperceptibly in what Kirk had come to recognize as him concealing what _would_ be a smile. She felt a sadness that she would never get the chance to see a real smile on his face. She just _knew_ it would be beautiful. Addy pushed her mind away from these thoughts and willed herself not to cry.

"It is what you would have done," he admitted softly. Well that was surprising. To think that Spock put logic aside in favor of Adelaide's most likely decision in such a vital situation made her feel… touched. To say the least. Despite how much it hurt, and despite how she had no idea if she was making eye contact, she smiled as big as she could and softened her eyes.

"And this is what _you_ would have done," she replied. She heard the soft gasp and knew that she had also taken him by surprise. She wanted to chuckle at that, but it morphed in to a pained wheeze where she couldn't breathe. Panic and fear almost smothered the life out of her, but she ruthlessly shoved it away. She wasn't _done_ yet. She still had things to _say_. "It's only logical."

A deep shudder traveled up her spine, and her face felt hot as a wave of nausea swept over her. She gagged and barely had enough strength to turn her head to the side before she was violently spewing everything in her stomach. Ashamed of being seen in such a condition, Addy focused everything she could on just getting her breathing away from being so erratic. Her hands were now numb and the prickling feeling was slowly travelling up her arms. She had minutes at the most, before her life, and all the possibilities she'd never get to experience, were snuffed out like a candle. Tears welled in her stinging eyes (which, oddly enough, cleared things up a bit), and she turned her head back to her friend to look back up in to his face. His brow was knitted together and his mouth in a solemn line. This was the most expressive she had ever seen him. He looked so human, and so… beautiful. Even on the cusp of death, he still made her heart skip a beat.

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be," she pleaded. He looked lost, confused, and so angry. He ducked his head for a moment before looking back up with that unwavering gaze of his. "How do you choose not to feel?"

"…I do not know…" he choked out. There was a mistiness to his eyes that hadn't ever been there before, and it broke her heart to realize that Spock was fighting back tears. To know he was in such pain that this more-Vulcan-than-human man was brought to the edge of tears hurt her worse than landing on that pipe, or even crawling back to this door, or even lying here waiting for Death to wrap her in its cold embrace. Spock, her Spock, her logical, rational minded, deceptively kind Spock was crying. He was emotionally compromised over her death.

'_I'm sorry,'_ Addy thought, _'I'm so sorry. But I couldn't let you die.'_

"Right now, I am failing," the plea was obvious in his voice. The deep rumble wavered on the edge of, _please don't die. I'm asking you not to die. Please, please, please don't do this to me._

Her skin grew cold, and there was a drop in her stomach. This was it. She was running out of time. These were going to be her last words. The last message she shared with Spock. Spock, the man always balancing out her crazy ideas with the point of logic and reason. Her science officer, consulting on anomalous things in space. Spock, the man who had too-human brown eyes, and a slight green tint to his skin. The strength to rival any human man, and a height that towered over her own. The man that she'd coveted these affections for, even as he sought out Uhura. The last person she would have a chance to speak with. If she didn't say something… if she… if she just let this last chance slip past, she would never… he wouldn't. These feelings would die with her, and what's the point of feeling anything, if you can't share with another?

"Spock," she panted, desperate in her resolve. "I want you to know why I couldn't let you die. I… I need you to know why I went back for you."

Spock tilted his head, blinking hard to try and clear his vision out. She could see the gears turning in his brain, could see the equations working themselves out, but he wasn't getting it. She didn't see that spark in his eyes that would let her know. He didn't get it. She needed him to _know_.

"I must admit I have failed to come to a satisfactory explanation as to your illogical behavior." Addy smiled sadly up at this man. The only man in her life she had really seen as a man and never been afraid of for it.

"_Fai'ei,"_ his eyes widened in another rare show of emotion at the use of his native tongue, _"talhuk nash-veh k'dular."_

If there was anything to cement her meaning behind his walls of reason and rationality and math equations, it was a declaration of love between bondmates accepted among his Vulcan people. It was clearly overstepping her boundaries by being so presumptuous, but… she had no time. She needed him to know just how much he meant to her. That she was dying to save _him._ The rest of the crew was important to her, but the real one she had been saving when she'd been kicking at the connectors in the warp drive room was Spock, and how if she failed, it meant his life. She could feel the hot tracks of her tears running down her face, and she was really working to breathe now. Her whole body was cold, and she had a bad case of the shakes, even though sweat was very nearly pouring off of her face and down her neck. Whispers at the back of her mind, and she knew she had seconds. Only seconds.

With as much control as she could, Adelaide raised her quivering hand to the safety door, where Spock had his face all but pressed through the glass, so shocked out of his comfort zone, that his mask of neutrality had been obliterated. She softly laid her fingers over his lips, dying inside at all the missed opportunities she would never have with him. She flicked her failing eyes up to his, and she gasped under the intensity burning deep within.

She always knew her death would be a painful one, but no one ever warned her that it would break her heart in the process.

She could feel all the emotion on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be set free, waiting for her to finally knock down her walls and confess everything to him. All the tingles her skin had worn for hours after an accidental brushing of their arms. All the little gasps of pleasure, and the quickening heartbeat when she'd turned, and he was already there, waiting for her, with that steady and honest gaze of chocolate and charcoal. How she could tell he'd been in a room moments ago simply by the lingering scent of mint and Frankincense and Myrrh. Or she could see what he was really feeling as long as she could see his eyes, because he hid everything so well that she'd had to train herself to notice what others couldn't see. She wanted to tell him everything, so he could remember it, and keep it as a part of her, alive in his mind long after she was cold and buried.

So many missed chances…

Adelaide's mind went fuzzy as her throat clogged with mucous and the irony taste of blood. She spluttered as her breaths became wet, and lost the strength to keep her arm up. She didn't even feel it when it hit the ground. She coughed, once, twice, three times, and closed her eyes, finally giving up. Black surrounded her, and as everything faded away, she heard a cry of murderous revenge and rage, but even as it shook deep within her soul, it sounded dimmer and dimmer, overshadowed by the wisps of the dark and the everlasting. _Come,_ they said, _you are tired, and your work is over. Leave the business of that world of the living, and rest. Sleep with use… sleep…_

Lazy, Adelaide drifted over to the voices, comforting and enchanting as they were.

_**K'diwa! Pehkau!**_

She stopped.

_**Bek-tor, K'diwa. Bek-tor na' nash-veh.**_

_Come with us. That place has nothing for you anymore. Come and sleep with us._

_**K'diwa. Sanu.**_

_Ignore them! Sleep and be done with that world!_

Adelaide shivered in confusion, torn between the voice of deep rolling honey that called out to her so invitingly, and the promise of sleep. She sat, not wanting to hurt that dulcetic bass and not wanting to ignore the invitation to just stop and rest.

With a cry of despair and confusion, Addy caved in on herself with the voices pounding away at her soul. And then… black. Everything was quiet. Quiet, black, and dead.

* * *

**Translations:**

**Fai'ei talhuk nash-veh k'dular - **Because I love you

**K'diwa - **Beloved

**Pehkau - **Stop. To cease moving/progressing; to put an end to what one is doing.

**Bek-tor - **Wait. To remain or rest in expectation.

**Bek-to na' nash-veh - **Wait for me.

**Sanu - **Please. Used as a polite way of asking for something or of asking someone to do something.

**Reviews are love!**

**Peace.**


	2. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

**Hello, loves!**

**So this kind of exploded out of me, and I typed it up on the sly at work, and here you are. I think this is a very good ending, but fret not! There will be an epilogue of sorts tying things up with Spock and our lady Kirk. I couldn't keep going after the end, though, it didn't flow and felt too forced.**

**As always, love it, review it, favorite it, and share the love!**

**Kisses,**

**MD**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.**_

* * *

Time passed differently in death. What felt like an age of the stars she'd so loved to travel in could have been no time at all for Those We Don't Remember. For all she knew, time wasn't even passing at all. How was she to gauge what strength Time held on such an in between place? She was not alive, but neither was she fully dead.

She was alone.

The voices had left her. The first to go had been the one like rolling thunder she had loved so much, making her whole ethereal form quake with… something. She missed that voice with the alien words that she didn't understand, but could perceive the meaning more than any of the other wisps. After it had abandoned her, the Whispers had frown in strength, no longer having to fight for attention. More cunning. More seductive. It was harder to resist their promises of peace and rest in the evermore. Their words spoke to something deep within; called out to that one part of every consciousness that welcomes death and the End, until she wasn't just fighting those wisps beyond the voice, but herself as well.

It was a battle she was doomed to lose.

Tired, so damn _tired_. She'd gone back to her aimless drifting in the direction of sleep. In the direction of the end. _Yes!_ they cried out in triumph. _Come! Come to us, sister! Be at peace and forgot those who no longer need you! Join with us once again in happiness and rest._

The ring of joy was so strong that it had made Adelaide quiver in anticipation of her welcoming embrace. Then, nothing.

Silence.

No voices, no warm thunder, no promises. She was alone. In fear, she cried out, calling for anything to answer, but to no avail. Her land was frozen. Locked. So cold, and so lonely, she wept, until she, too, froze. Unable to move, cry or run away, she was forced to wait for her never-ending winter to end. Lifetimes passed, forcing Addy's awareness to stay lucid and rigid, no matter how she wanted to simply lie down and give up.

Was this Hell?

To be forever locked inside herself, aware of every passing thought and moment, but never allowed and end? The ice slowly crept up, engulfing her until all she'd ever known was the cold. It became a part of her, something she embraced and welcomed as a comfort, a friend. She was the winter, the chill at the end of your fingers, and the ice on the brink of anger. She lost all sense of self in that time, all sense of awareness. Things dulled, and she stood, as rigid as a glacier, losing all perceptions of everything. Worlds passed by her, those lost souls calling out to join them, but she could not hear them. She could not see them. The wall of ice and frozen wastelands wrapped around her so completely, nothing penetrated it.

Until, one day, it left.

It left, and then, she felt. She felt things beyond the cold and frozen. There were no more voices, no more beckons to join them in the void. No ice. No winter. No voices. Just black.

And then… she woke.

Adelaide gasped, feeling not unlike something had tossed her around like a rag doll until she landed right back in her body. Her eyes adjusted to the sudden light poorly after going so long without, and she blinked hard, trying to help her brain separate the colors and shapes into things that made sense and had meaning. There was a light beating down annoyingly on her left, and on her right there was a screen with her medical information. Her weight (depressingly under what should be healthy), blood pressure, heart rate, name, everything. Confused, and starting to panic, her breathing quickened.

What the hell was going on?

The last thing she remembered, she'd been telling Spock the feelings she'd been hiding, thinking (apparently wrongly) that she would never have another chance. She'd been sick with radiation, puking her guts, shaking, and she'd died. Hadn't she? She'd been there for that. Addy distinctly remembering dying. It had been painful, and slow, and the most heartbreaking thing she'd ever done, if only because she'd made Spock cry. She winced at the memory, shying away from the pain that came with it. She'd deal with that later.

Wait… how did she even have the brain _to_ deal with that. There was death, and then… nothing. Just hidden whispers, and cold. Lots, and lots of cold. Never ending winter. But… how?

Bones walked in to her line of sight, holding his trustee scanner, and the more formal clothing of a Starfleet doctor when planetside. White pants and shirt, and a loose white smock over everything, with his Starfleet pin over his heart, the universal red cross for medical personnel shining bright and happy in the middle. Addy pulled her eyes together, thoroughly confused. What the fuck was going on?

"Oh don't be so melladramatic, you were _barely_ dead," her friend snarked, that lazy Georgia drawl washing over her like some warm blanket of comfort and familiarity. Instinctively, she unclenched her muscles, knowing inside that if Bones was here and unconcerned, she didn't really have reason to be either. "It's the transfusions that really took a toll. You were out cold for two weeks."

Wait… what?

"Transfusions?" she croaked. Her voice was hoarse with disuse, and it was only then that she realized how dry her throat was. She looked around Bones for water, but sighed unhappily when he just stuck his scanner in her faces and ginner smugly, knowing how much she hated this part.

"Your cells were heavily irradiated. We had no choice." Transfusion? So they'd completely pumped her blood to get rid of the radiation that had killed her and filled her veins with something new and better. Because it _had_ killed her. There was no doubt about that. She hadn't been wrong, she'd died. So what the hell could have brought her back? There would have needed to be regeneration beyond anything they'd ever…

Oh… _Oh…_

"Khan." He was the only possibility. Bones nodded gravely, the smile slipping from his face as he took his scanner away and examined her results. She watched his face warily for the customary scowl that followed such an examination, mentally preparing for another lecture. She was, instead, surprised, when the smallest of smiles flashed at her before it was gone, hidden behind the mask of snark and sarcasm. He put his reader down and looked at her, looking pensive as memories she couldn't see flashed behind his eyes.

"Once we got him back on board, I synthesized a serum from his super blood. We also had to do a direct transfusion of blood. Tell me," he tried to hide the grin, but she could see it in the raising of his eyebrows, and narrowed her eyes slightly, "are you feeling homicidal, power mad… despotic?"

Addy blinked, internally rolling her eyes, and cracked a wry smile at her old friend.

"No more than usual," she muttered. "How did you catch him?" Bones didn't bother to hide his grin at this and backed away from her bedside to walk around to the other side and examine her IV drip.

"I didn't," but she hadn't heard him. Stepping up to take his place, a tall man, spine rigid as a plank of wood, a shock of black hair in a bowl haircut, crisp and perfectly formed. Pointed ears, and deep chocolate eyes pierced right through her. Spock wore the customary gray formal uniform, his hands clasped behind his back, and the barest ghost of a smile hidden deep within his eyes. She couldn't help it, her heart stuttered, and her breath caught in her throat. What was mortifying about that was that the sudden change in her heart rate beeped from the screen mounted on the wall, as well as the elevated adrenaline and dopamine hormones. Blushing profusely, Addy dropped her eyes to his chest, the silence hanging tense between them.

"You saved my life," she whispered. She watched his chest rise and fall on even breaths, her cheeks still flaming red.

"Seeing as you saved my life on Nibiru, and that of the entire crew when you realigned the –"

"_Spock_" she interrupted. He paused, and closed his mouth, waiting. She smiled, and flicked her eyes back up to his, warm and brown and melting her from the inside out. She stubbornly ignored the wild beeps from behind her and lifted her mouth at the corners in a rare moment of shyness and smiled. "Thank you."

She expected a reminder from him on how thanks were illogical, like she'd received every time in the past she had attempted to convey her gratitude, but was pleasantly surprised when he smiled at her. It was small, but definitely an intentional smile. His eyes crinkled, and it gave a softness to his features that looked otherwise more sharp and penetrating, despite their neutrality in his expressions. She bit back another gasp of shock as her insides warmed. Yeah… just as beautiful as she'd thought.

"You are welcome, Addy." Oh gods, the way he said her name. Why couldn't he just be her First Officer, and she the Captain, and they could be friends, and then these stupid things like _feelings_ wouldn't get in the way of everything.

"Uhura 'n I helped too, ya know…" grumped Bones next to her. Addy jumped, startled out of her reverie and looked down at the hospital bed, ashamed of herself. She was Adelaide Paige Kirk, damn it. She didn't get so hung up over _any_ man, no matter how tall, or handsome, or toned…

NO!

She'd made a promise to herself. A _promise._ She was better than this.

"Thanks, Bones…" Her friend looked sharply at her in the slight off tone in her voice, but she shook her head, telling him to leave it alone for now. She'd only just woken up after having been convinced she was a gone and there was no possibility of her coming back. She'd made peace with her fate if it meant the safety of her crew, and now she finds out that she's been given yet another chance. Another escape when death had her so close this time. She needed the space, and this was not something she could talk about. Ever.

Sighing, Bones stood up, and made some mark to her records on his medical PADD before looking at the silent Vulcan, who had yet to tear his eyes away from poor Addy's face. She was getting nervous underneath those eyes, where usually they made her feel calmed and centered. They were too seeing, too perceptive. They missed nothing. She was feeling crowded, and as much as she loved Spock (and she _did_ love Spock; so much that it frightened her), she needed a moment to wrap her mind around the fact that she was _alive_ and she was _breathing_ and she was going to live to see a new day.

"Alright, ya green blooded hobgoblin. She needs her rest. She's had 'nuff excitement for one night. Leave." Spock hesitated, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but seemed to decide against it, and snapped his mouth shut. He furrowed his brow, and Adelaide watched him warily as he unclasped his hands and dropped them to his side. Tentatively, maybe even hesitantly, he slowly reached his right hand out towards her, and Bones and Addy both watched in shock as he gently brushed his fingertips along the back of her hand, lingering for a moment, before correcting his posture and exiting the room.

"Bones did he just – "

"Uh huh."

"But that's –"

"I _know._"

Addy spluttered for a moment, gaping at the door in disbelief. Vulcans were touch telepaths, and as such, their personal space was a very private and special thing for them, let alone bodily contact with anyone that wasn't family or the closest of friends. Touching hands was the same as kissing in their culture, as it left parts of their mind open for examination and probing. It was a very intimate thing for a Vulcan to touch another being. And he had just touched her hand.

Had just touched her hand.

Had just _touched_ her _hand_.

She'd felt the mental brush for those two seconds. Had felt the slight swell of emotions that she knew weren't her own. Relief, joy, trepidation, confusion, anticipation, hope, regret, guilt. There was something that had been at the back of her mind, softly humming a tune she hadn't recognized, all of those emotions playing upon themselves in the background, before it was gone, and Spock had left the room. He'd brushed her mind with his own. Intentionally.

By all Vulcan standards, he had just _kissed_ her.

"Holy shi–"

**Three Weeks Later**

Addy smiled, grateful for the strength she felt rippling in her legs as she took the long strides through the stone courtyard of Starfleet HQ in San Francisco. Bones had finally – _finally_ – cleared her for duty, declaring all traces of the radiation cleansed. He said her heart rate was lower than normal, but not by much, and it had been the way ever since it had started beating again, so it was nothing concerning. And she seemed to be slightly stronger than normal. She'd gone through physical therapy for a few days, more for Bones' peace of mind than any actual need, and she'd beat her own personal record of sprinting a mile in under six minutes. She could hold her breath underwater longer, run farther, lift more, jump higher. They couldn't explain it.

Bones felt it was some unforeseen side effect of using Khan's blood and transfusing so much in to Addy's corpse, but they'd had no other choice. He'd run a whole new set of tests on her, and jabbed her neck with hypos until she'd had enough and swat them out of his hand. That itself was nothing new, but the hypo fell to the ground and shattered, spraying the light green fluid everywhere. Bones had looked at Addy in surprise, and she hadn't been able to tear her eyes away from the broken metal and glass until a cleaning crew had taken it out of her sight.

At first, she was scared, and Bones had kept her in the hospital longer than was necessary to complete all the tests, but there was nothing that was putting her in immediate danger. In fact, she was in better health than she had been in her whole life. And she felt amazing.

So she smiled, the sun warming her pale skin (she'd work up a tan, if she could), and walked happily through the courtyard, wearing the gray drew uniform in preparation of her meeting with Admiral Barnett. Her yellow stripes across her shoulder were not lost on her, and it was with some sense of smug satisfaction that she displayed her status. The _Enterprise_ was still her ship. She was still the Captain. There was only one thing missing at this point that the Admiral could possibly want to see her about.

Her mission.

She'd filed her report on everything that happened on Kronos, and on the edge of enemy space with Admiral Marcus and Khan respectively. There were pieces of it missing that she was sure her First Officer had more than filled in, and she'd already answered the follow up questions for the rest of the council. This really was the only logical choice left.

She took off her cap as soon as she stepped through the glass door entrance, neatly tucking it under her left arm. Her block leather boots barely made any noise and she walked briskly over the marble tile to the turbolift. She pushed the call button, barely suppressing the urge to bounce up and down in anticipation. She couldn't help the grin on her face, though. Not that she bothered to try and hide _that_ one.

"Judging by your buoyant behavior, I assume you expect this meeting to fare in your favor, Captain?" She froze.

Spock.

She hadn't seen him since that first day she woke up, and the… _incident_… had all but left her mind. That is, until he silently sidled up next to her and stepped through the doors to the lift as they opened, waiting for her with an expectant raise of his eyebrow.

"Uh… Commander. Hi. Yes. Hello. Right. How… how are you?" The eyebrow raised further.

"I am functioning at optimum capacity, Captain." Such a charmer.

"Right…" She shuffled her feet awkwardly, not knowing where to look. The end of her curly blonde ponytail fell over her shoulder as she studiously examined her feet. She felt blood rushing up to her cheeks and cursed herself, willing her heart to go back to normal before she faced the Admiral and anyone else that might be present as witness. She would not let her composure as Captain of the god damn _Enterprise_ be challenged in the mind of these men, that even after centuries of equal rights, still looked down on women in places of power.

"You did not answer my question, Captain?" Addy jumped, startled out of her concentration.

"Commander..?" she questioned uncertainly. She'd missed a question?

"I asked if you expected this meeting to go in our favor." Oh. Right. That question.

"Well, sure. Now that Khan and Marcus have been dealt with, I don't see why they wouldn't send us out into deep space. Maybe they'll even throw in some bit about courage and honor and all that junk. I don't really care, I just… I just want to get out there, Spock, and I really feel like this is it." She couldn't help the smile. Just talking about it again made her excited all over. Spock, perfect appearance and posture, composed in every sense of the word, looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He looked pensive. His mouth opened to say something, but they were interrupted by the soft hiss of the turbo doors opening. Nervous and excited, Addy winked at her companion and stepped through the threshold into the Admiral's office.

He was an impressive man, standing almost as tall as Spock, but more stocky than her friend. His hair was a dark brown, and his skin a deep olive tan. Adelaide had heard things about Barnett. He wielded an unwavering hand, strict and demanding, but it fell equally on everyone, and he gained the respect of those around him for that. He was not unkind, and willing to listen to the council of others, but ultimately made his own decision, and could not be swayed from anything when his mind was set to it. Really, he was a man after Addy's own heart.

Barnett looked up at the soft thump of their regulation boots, and smiled warmly at his two visitors.

"Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, welcome. I trust you're feeling better, Captain?" Addy nodded.

"Yes, sir."

"Good, good, that's good. Well, don't stand on my part. Please, sit." Addy stepped up to one of the two seats in front of Barnett's dark oak desk and Spock took the seat next to her. They both clasped their caps in their laps and waited.

"No, Kirk, I understand you've been cleared for active duty by your physician, one doctor Leonard McCoy, is that correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Glad to hear that. Took longer than expected though." Addy shifted uncomfortably, feeling the weight of Spock's eyes as they snapped over to her. She stubbornly ignored him and tightened the hold on her cap.

"There were some unforeseen… complications. Nothing concerning, though, and as you can see from Doctor McCoy's report, they have all been cleared and noted as –"

"-as harmless, yes, I saw." Addy pursed her lips. A lot of fucking people had been interrupting her, lately, and it was really pissing her off. "It's a good thing, too, seeing as the _Enterprise_ has just been assigned a new mission."

This was it. Everything in Starfleet she had been working for came to this one single moment. Those endless nights of devouring textbooks and studying. Watching different war videos from public records to study tactics. Her degree in advanced physics, and engineering, both shortened by at least a year and a half. Those countless parties she'd turned down in lieu of another sleepless night of homework, and then grading papers dumped on her when she became a teacher's assistant. All of it, all condensing in to this one moment.

And wouldn't ya know it, that's the exact moment she forgot how to speak.

"What are the parameters of this mission, Admiral?" Adelaide released the nervous breath she'd been holding at the rumbling bass next to her. It was like a flip had been switched, and she could remember how to be a human again. She flushed in embarrassment at such a long lapse from her and nervously looked over at her First Officer and then the Admiral. Barnett's eyes twinkled with a knowing smile.

"Why, to boldly go where no one has gone before, of course." Ugh, couldn't anyone just take after her Vulcan friend and be honest for once?

"Sir..?" she peeped. The Admiral raised his eyebrows, allowing her the freedom of speech, and hiding a smile behind his bushy mustache. "Does this mean it's safe to assume you're giving my ship the five year mission, sir?"

Addy waited with baited breath as the three of them sat there in silence. The Admiral's clock ticked on the wall behind his desk, marking every agonizing moment that passed with no affirmation. She could feel her skin starting to crawl, and just when Addy thought she was going to scream aloud from all of the nerves, the Admiral chuckled.

"Darlin', you look like you're ready to drop. Take a breath, you only just got out of the hospital, for goodness sake." Addy forced herself to breathe. "And yes, Captain. It is safe to assume such a thing. I signed off on the papers yesterday. By the end of June, your ship should be in top shape, and your crew assembled. You think you can handle five years in space, Kirk?"

She felt like the floor could just drop away from her, and she'd float away to the starts by herself. She beamed, her foot bouncing with the release of all the pent up energy. Her eyes prickled, and she thought she might start crying, but something pressed down on her exploding emotions with a wave of serenity and calm. Her leg stopped. She took a deep breath, centering herself, and smiled up at the Admiral.

"Aye, sir, I think there's no better crew that could handle such a mission. Do you agree, Spock?" She smiled over at him, feeling like she was burning with the light of a thousand suns, her piercing blue eyes dancing happily and her blond curls bouncy and joyous. He looked pretty self-satisfied himself. For a Vulcan anyway. His face was still the perfect image of blank, but she could see it. The slight wrinkling of his eyes, the sparkle deep in them, the almost imperceptible twitch of his lips. He looked ready to pop. He looked at the Admiral and then Kirk, looking like too much like the cat that got the canary.

"Yes, Captain, we have a very able bodied and balanced crew for the _Enterprise_. I have no doubts that they will fare better than expected on such a lengthy mission." The Admiral smiled at the pair.

"My thoughts exactly. Now, Captain, I've had the papers transferred over to you for your examination. I will need you sign off on a couple tings, and there will be some routine checkups before your ships can be taken to open space again, but no later than June, and you should be off." June. Three months. She had three months until her life really began.

"Aye, sir." Barnett nodded and waved them away, looking down at something on his PADD. Addy and Spock stood and saluted before turning and walked back towards the turbolift. She couldn't wait to tell Bones the good news! Just a few steps away, though, she stopped, and watched as Spock passed her. He didn't notice until the lift that she was missing, whereupon he looked back at her with a puzzled twist of his eyebrows. Addy spun around and marched right back to the Admiral's desk, waiting until he was finished with his task and looking back up at her with those twinkling, knowing eyes of his.

"Admiral Barnett, sir… I… _thank you_." She said the words emphatically, pouring all of her appreciation and gratefulness into every word. Barnett blinked and nodded, watching as Kirk turned back around and exited his office with her First Commander, the brightest smile on her face he'd ever seen.


	3. Below This Shaky Facade

**Hello, chickadees!**

**Ya know, I forgot how my work conveniently has internet. Bwahaha. As long as ideas keep coming to me, updates will be a lot faster than I thought! /happy dance**

**Okay. So. I know I said this would be the last part, but this keeps just dragging more out of me, and more chapters and everything. I mean... I don't think it's a bad thing, this little story has a nice pace to it, but I feel silly saying over and over that the next chapter is the last when it... isn't. So, that being said, here, have this chapter!**

**Reviews! Reviews for my kingdom!**

**Kisses,**

**MD**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.**_

* * *

Spock was avoiding her. There wasn't any other explanation Addy had come up with. They hadn't even been in space two full weeks, and already there was drama. There were countless times where Kirk found herself walking into Mess, or a training room, and all she'd gotten was the bite of mint or a peek of blues as he left. When they _were_ in a room together, Spock remained studiously busy or refused to make eye contact with her. It was starting to boil beyond annoying to the point of downright offensive.

At first, Addy refused to see it for what it was, because it was such a _human_ thing to run from your problems, and Spock hadn't ever had problems being brutally honest with her in the past. However, when Uhura of all people pulled her into an observation deck right before the start of their shift to talk about it, she knew her concerns were valid.

"Captain," Nyota started, "what's going on with you and Commander Spock?"

"Don't know, Lieutenant," Addy had quipped dryly. "Your boyfriend hasn't been able to stomach me since we left Terra. What?" Uhura had blinked in surprise, then exchanged it for confused suspicion.

"He didn't tell you?" Addy furrowed her brow and shifted her weight between her feet, looking down at the slightly shorter woman. She hated not knowing something critical about the inner workings of her ship and crew.

"Tell me what?"

"He and I aren't together anymore." Addy froze for a moment of surprised before her heart leapt with a shout of joy. Then, she swam in guilt as she shoved back her mind's cries of _I have a chance! Single! He's single!_ Viciously, Kirk ignored the inner mantra. Uhura was her fried, no matter how jealous Addy had been of the woman. How dare she rejoice without making sure her friend was okay?

"Oh, Nyota, I'm so sorry. What happened? Are you… are you alright?" She meant every word, too. Addy _was_ sorry that this capable, amazingly intelligent woman had been through something probably very emotionally difficult for her. Addy had seen Uhura's face after Spock had been saved on Nibiru. No matter how the communications officer tried to play it off, she cared deeply for their Vulcan companion. Nyota smiled sadly.

"Yeah. He and I had a long talk three months ago. The leave time we all got before this mission helped. The _space_ helped. Don't worry, he and I won't have any problems working together." Addy was shaking her head before the mocha woman had even finished speaking.

"I wasn't asking as your Captain, Nyota," she muttered softly, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. Uhura blinked hard, trying to hide the mistiness, and looked out the windows to the black and the stars that had always been calling Addy's name.

"Look, Kirk, there were just… some things happened. I really think you need to talk to Spock about it, I can't tell you. But they're important, and you should hear them." Dazed and confused, Addy nodded. Uhura gave her one last searching gaze before turning with a swish of her black ponytail, and leaving Kirk alone with her thoughts.

Spock was avoiding her. Spock was single. (_Single!_) There was something Nyota obviously felt important for Kirk to hear, but not from her. Was it about the Vulcan kiss thing? Oh God, did Uhura _know_ about that? Knowing Spock, it had somehow come up in conversation, and he'd said it like it wasn't anything, because apparently it _hadn't_ been anything, and she'd just been deluding herself with her own wishes, because if he'd really kissed her, he would have said something, right? Addy groaned, feeling a pressure in her head that she saw as the start of a headache, and set off for the bridge after Uhura. Her friend hadn't really _seemed_ all that angry, but still… Kirk knew better than anybody how what you could see on the outside of a person could be completely different than what was happening inside.

This was going to be a long shift.

Adelaide shook her head, thoroughly confused. Why the hell was her First Officer avoiding her like she'd contracted the plague of Terra's far distant history? With too many questions, and not enough answers, she started her shift on the bridge of the _Enterprise_, the engine whirring softly underneath her feel. So deep in thought was she, that when she thought over her day later, she couldn't recall all the things the Yeoman had her sign off on.

At the end of her shift, Addy made a beeline for the one place she knew she could turn with her problems without judgment. She just hoped Bones was still in his office, chasing him down didn't sound too appealing right now.

She smiled when she entered without chiming to find her best friend pouring over patient records and reports from his staff he needed to sign and file as the CMO. She cocked her head, pondering him for a moment. He looked exhausted. Bad day, then?

"Got time fo' a pretteh face?" she drawled in a mock attempt of his own southern twang. He responded in a heartbeat without even looking up.

"As soon as I find one." Addy grinned as he rolled his eyes up to her, and then back down to his desk with a shake of his head, hiding beneath his brown hair.

"Okay, I left myself open for that one. But you gotta admit, I'm at least _passable_, right?" Bones snorted and didn't answer, waving something off the screen of his PADD. Addy stepped into his office, letting the door whirr shut behind her, and sat on his plush green couch next to his desk. He pressed a few more buttons and sighed at something, muttering about incompetence and hypos before setting his work aside and reclining back in his chair, regarding her curiously.

"What can I do ya for, Missy miss?" Addy's smile was replaced by a frown.

"Spock's been avoiding me, Bones, and I don't know –"

"Oh no," he interrupted, his voice filled with dread, "no. I'm not going to let you steal my down time to whine about your love life!"

"But Bones!" she pouted, "You're my _bestest!_ It's in your job description to listen to my complaints about men and their stupid pea brains!" She batted her eyelids prettily at him, and stuck her lips out. He flushed and glared.

"Dammit, hon, I'm a _doctor_, not a therapist!"

"…Therapists are doctors too, Bones…" He threw his hands up in the air, making a noise of frustration at the back of his throat. Addy slipped on the most pitiful face she could manage, making her bottom lip quiver for dramatic effect. She could see it in his eyes when he caved. She knew it would happen. He hadn't been able to say no to her since they'd met on that transportation shuttle back in Riverside, Iowa a lifetime ago. "Yes! Bones, you're the best!"

"Ugh! Jesus, what you make me do… Alright, fine! You win, you manipulative wench. What's wrong with you and Commander Pointy Ears?" Addy blinked in surprise, a coy smile curling her lips.

"Wait, did you just call me a _wench_?"

"Adelaide…" he growled warningly.

"Right. Sorry. Sorry. Okay, so… Spock…" and she told him. Every (conveniently) missed encounter. How he seemed to almost dance away from her on the bridge when they had to work together. The talk with Uhura and the knowledge that he was now single (_single!_). She'd long ago told Bones her feelings for their half-Vulcan friend. Well, not told, so much as been discovered and then interrogated. Bones was a real mama bear when it came to her well-being, and then, her unrequited feelings had made her rather depressed.

"I mean, I don't know what to think, Bones," she finished. "If I did something wrong, I'll gladly apologize, but I can't get him to talk to me long enough to find out what I did! He's more confusing than the Academy's mystery meat Mondays!"

Bones sat in thoughtful silence, watching her pace nervously around his office from his seat behind his desk. Sighing, he passed a hand over his tired face and got to his feet to stand in front her. She looked helplessly up at him. The only person to stay with her all through Starfleet Academy, and the only human to see the evidence of her time on Tarsus IV and not have an ounce of disgust on his face.

"Well, it don't look like I'm the one you need to be tellin' this all to, dalrin'." She glowered at his chest.

"if you've listened, I wouldn't have to tell you again that he won't talk to me."

"Well maybe you need to –" Bones stopped at the sound of the chime letting him know someone was outside his door, waiting to see him. With a glint in his eyes, he looked down at Addy and squeezed her shoulder in support. "Enter."

Adelaide turned around at the soft hiss from the automatic doors opening and froze as Spock stepped through the doorway. She whirled her head around to gape at the shit-eating smirk on Bones' face. What the hell? She turned back to Spock. He seemed… surprised? Tense? Vulcan? It was so hard to read through his make when he really concentrated on it.

"Spock?" she squeaked. "What're you doing here?" he gave her a quick once-over look before ignoring her for Bones standing over her shoulder.

"You messaged me requesting my presence, Doctor?" Whoa, wait, what? When?!

"Yep. Now maybe you two lovebirds can get outs my hair and make-up already so y'all stop botherin' good folk like me and bother each _other_ with this problem y'all seem ta have!" With a great (but gentle, because Bones would never, ever hurt her) shove, Addy squeaked in shock as she fell forward, caught off-balance by the sudden motion. She would have fallen but for a strong and steady hand on her shoulder. She looked up into Spock's burning eyes before he quickly dropped his hand and buried the flames of whatever _that_ had been.

"Doctor," Spock ignored her once more now that she was on her feet, "the Captain and I are not a breed of brightly feathered, extinct Terran bird. She is a –"

"Spock, it's a figure of speech, dammit." Bones said. Addy couldn't see him, but she could practically hear him rolling his eyes behind her. "Now both of you, outta my office, and don't you bother comin' to me again until you talked to him, Missy miss! Git!" Addy glared over her shoulder at him, but Spock was already walking away, and not one to pass up an opportunity, she ran after him.

"Spock!" He slowed, but didn't stop. "Hey _Spock!_" he was at the exit now. In a flash of anger (_how dare he ignore me like this! I didn't do anything!_) she dashed forward and grabbed for his clothed elbow, but his arm swung backward in the course of his gait, and she caught his wrist instead, her hands latching on to his warm, slightly green skin with a growl of, "Hey asshole, don't ignore me!"

She gasped.

Spock was there. Like, he was standing in front of her, but not he was _there_ in her mind. A sudden flood of emotions she wasn't feeling filled her mind to the brim. It was so much more intense than in the hospital with the tight grip she had around his wrist, so much more focused.

**Calm. Affection. Guilt. Nervousness. Fear. Hope. Concern. Envy. Longing. **

**Love.**

**Lust.**

His presence filled her mind like a calm, calming her indignation and frustration with barely a breath. He filled all the empty space she hadn't known was there since he'd first touched her hand that day in the hospital. Wait. He'd touched her… and it had been… and now she was… _oh God._

Addy drew her hand back like she'd been bitten. Spock's back was much closer than she'd anticipated, making her take an involuntary step back. She could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest, and then tension building in his shoulder. He was breathing heavy?

Spock spun around, and Addy gasped at the smoldering _hunger_ burning deep in the depths on his mind. He stalked slowly towards her, his steps calculated and precise. Quivering inside, she stepped back more as he drew closer. Something in her belly _warmed_ and _wiggled_, keening like a puppy, and making her whimper softly. His eyes sharpened at the soft noise, if that was possible. When the backs of her legs his a biobed, she couldn't tell if she felt dread or anticipation building in her stomach as he drew ever closer to her. His eyes watched her every move, looking for something he could pounce on, looking for an opening.

Much like a predator stalking their prey.

"S-Spock..?" she whispered, her voice shaking. He was in front of her now, caging her between his body and the biobed with his arms. Jesus, how often did he go to the gym? The blue shirt of his field stretched deliciously over the muscles of his torso, leaving nothing to the imagination. Her mouth watered, and she couldn't help it as she let her eyes drop and roll over his clenching and unclenching muscles, and she shook at the thought of how it feel if he wrapped his arms around her. She noticed faintly at the back of her mind that her breath was now just as quick as her First Officer's. Her thoughts went fuzzy though when the smell of mint mixed with the remnants of his heady incense. Her legs shook. She looked back up into his eyes.

They were black.

The muscles in his shoulder rolled and slowly, so _slowly_, he leaned down. His eyes held hers, entrance, refusing to let Addy look away, even if she'd had the strength. She could smell the chamomile tea on his breath, and dear God, he was going to kiss her! He was so close, just centimeters, and her lips were tingling, and thank you, whatever was out there, because Spock was finally going to –

The door to the medbay hissed open, making Spock and Addy both jump in surprise. Nurse Chapel stepped through, looking down at something in her hands, but looked up at the pair when she heard the clatter Spock made with medical equipment as her jumped away from the Captain. Addy stared at him, her mouth hanging open, and her eyes wide. Spock blinked several time, open awe and horror on his face before his training kicked in, and his walls slammed back up, and then there was nothing. His face was the usual blank mask, though Addy could see things simmering just underneath the shaky façade.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Captain, was I interrupting something?" Chapel asked hesitantly. She could feel the tension still in the room, and stood just inside the doorway. With a curt nod, Spock turned and all but ran out of the door, Addy's eyes glued to him the whole time. Her breath still a little heavy, and her hands shaking, she stood straight and brushed imaginary dust from her yellow dress uniform.

"N-no, nurse Chapel," she muttered, "I guess you weren't…"

* * *

**Welp. Little bit of a cliffhanger, nyeh? MWAHAHA. I actually had a lot of fun writing this scene.**

**Please, please tell me what you think. I love all of the favorites and followers, but nothing really makes my day like a review. I need to know if I'm getting the characters right, or what I should improve on.**

**Seriously. Reviews. Please.**

**Peace.**


	4. Blame It On The Alcohol

**Bwahahaha. I do so love cliffhangers. A little more of a tease, this chapter. Do forgive me for this, but this is just how it turned out. Thank you all for your patience for this chapter. I hope I delivered as well or even better than you hoped. The next chapter should _actually _be the last one, for reals this time.**

**I haven't had a chance to read over this one at all as I was supposed to be gone from work 20 minutes ago, and I'm a bit in a rush, so, as always, please excuse the glaring errors I am sure you will find.**

**Thank you for your support. Please leave me a review telling me what you think!**

**Kisses,**

**MD**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.**_

* * *

"Now Spock, we can talk this over…" Her breath was heavy. She was frightened. More than frightened. But beyond that she was really fucking turned on. So aroused that her brain was fuzzy, and she couldn't think past anything but the completely instinctual _want_ deep in her belly. Certain body parts were starting to throb and ache, and that was just getting annoying.

"I believe there has been enough conversation for tonight, Captain," Spock growled, looking for all intents and purposes like he was a rubber band ready to snap. Addy shivered. She _ached_.

"Spock, I'm sorry, but how was I supposed to know–" His hand slapped over her mouth, cutting off her feeble explanation. His eyes boiled with the force of his barely contained emotions, to which she was now privy.

"_Enough._" She whimpered as his feelings crashed through her mind with the force of a tidal wave.

**Jealousy. Possession. Rage.**

_**MINE**_**.**

Adelaide locked eyes with the taller Vulcan, her brilliant blue pleading with him, though for what she hadn't the faintest idea. She rubbed her legs together frantically, trying to relieve the growing pressure. She was afraid. Spock had never acted like this before. She could feel the power flowing through his muscles as an echo in her mind. He was the one in control here, and the last time she'd let a man have control over her… well, she just didn't let that happen anymore. It made her feel small and helpless , and she instinctively tried to shy away from his warm (_warmhotohgodsohot_) hand.

He snarled.

She froze.

His brown eyes, too human for such an obviously Vulcan face, smoldered with possessive lust, and she could feel the swell of it in his body rock through her own.

_She ached._

"_Enough_," he repeated, voice heavy.

In hindsight, that drink had probably been a very bad idea.

* * *

Adelaide was _pissed_. This usually resulted in bad judgment, poor decisions, and weighty regrets in the mornings. But fuck it. If she'd thought Spock was avoiding her before, he was practically a ghost now. The only time she saw him was when they were on the bridge together, and even then, it was only the back of his head. She tried cornering him, tried asking, tried bribing and blackmailing, but he wouldn't talk to her unless it was strictly business.

At first, Addy had felt guilty. She had been the one to touch him this time, and that had obviously been a bad idea, because he was pulling further away from her. She'd overstepped some Vulcan boundary she didn't know about. But guilt was quickly replaced by indignation. It had been an accident to touch his wrist like that, he should be able to see that. If she'd offended him in some way, he should also know that she hadn't studied his culture like Uhura and was painfully ignorant when it came to how to "court" him, so to speak. And god damn it, he'd touched her first in the hospital!

_Then left here there for days with no explanation or sight of him or anything._

Then enough time passed that even her indignation left, and all that was left behind was anger and hurt. Couldn't they just talk about whatever _hadn't_ happened between them like adults so this could be in the past already? Like, seriously, Spock was an adult by Vulcan standards, wasn't he? He was supposed to be the logical and mature one, here. So what the hell?

Part of her anger, however, stemmed from the fears her stepfather had instilled in her during her formative years. That no one wanted her and she had no place in this world. She was scared that the person she wished would want her the most was the one that needed her the least, and anger is commonly the secondary emotion in humans, following anger, confusion, despair. For Addy, it was her security blanket, something she could wrap around her like a shield and hide behind so that those around her didn't see how really, truly weak she was, and how she still felt five on the inside. She'd gone back to Bones to tell him of the _almost_ happenings in his medbay and try to ask, as a man, why Spock wasn't even speaking to her anymore. True to his word, however, he'd thrown her out on her ass at the first peek of blonde hair.

Fuck Bones.

Enraged, she'd stormed through the halls, barking orders she didn't even remember until she'd found herself in front of the door to Spock's quarters. Their shift was over, and it was likely that he was here, going over his silly math equations or whatever the hell it was that he did on his down time. She had half a mind to waltz in there and interrupt his time and tell him just exactly what the fuck she thought of his "professional conduct" as of late and call him out on his cowardice, but she couldn't. She just stood there, glaring at the metal door, tears welling in her eyes, and flushed with embarrassment as she shuffled over to her door right next to his and flew to her bed and cried. She didn't eat that night. She didn't do much of anything, just cried until she couldn't make any more tears, showered, watched old classic movies in the computer's archive, and then passed out in the wee hours of the morning. She was only trying to be a good enough Captain so that her crew survived these five years and made it back to Earth alive. She had no idea what she was doing here. There was a reason that Captaincy wasn't bestowed on an officer as young as she'd been. But she was special. She'd always been special.

So then why did she feel so unwanted?

The next day, she'd woken with a headache that wouldn't quit and puffy, red eyes. Her crew had the good graces not to say anything about it, but even then, when it was obvious what she'd been doing last night, Spock had refused to say anything to her. He didn't even acknowledge that she'd been crying. It was in the midst of this black mood that Addy had claimed she needed to see Scotty for something and run off to hide in the botany lab. It was bigger than people expected, humid in some parts, dry in others. Plants from an array of different planets were cultivated here. Some for medicines, some for food, and some of the lab left empty for science as they explored more of outer space. She liked the botany lab. It was quiet, and usually deserted. This was where Sulu found her nearly forty minutes later, with his shoulders thrown back and looking absolutely terrified.

"Captain?" he squeaked.

"What?" Addy snapped, making him jump.

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am?" She'd really looked at him then, the nervous expression, the tension in his face, and nodded her consent, curious.

"Ma'am, all due respect, you aren't going to last many of these five years if you keep walking the halls like a tyrant. The crew morale is horrible right now. Everybody is afraid of you and second guessing their work in the hopes that you won't find any mistakes to hound them for." Addy blushed angry at his harsh words, but she bit her tongue, seeing the wisdom in his honesty. She wouldn't listen to anything other than a verbal smack in the face, forgetting the fact that he was right. She looked down at the bright silver flower on the table in front of her as he continued, more sure of himself that she hadn't immediately ordered him to leave.

"I get that something's bothering you. We can _all_ see that." Addy's cheeks darkened a few more shades. "But if you lash out at everyone for every mistake, you're going to have a crew that can't function like they were meant to, and the _Enterprise_ will be the one to suffer for that, ma'am."

She knew she was taking her anger and fear of abandonment out on everyone else, and she was ashamed that her crew was so downtrodden that her helmsman had drawn the short straw in confronting her (literally. She would bet you money they'd all drawn straws). She loved this crew. They were her family. They'd been through Nero and Khan together, and always come out on top. And if their experience with Khan had taught them anything, it was that you kept your family close because they could disappear at any time. Yet here she was, acting like she was still stuck in Iowa. She didn't deserve to be a Captain like this.

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mr. Sulu," she said softly, petting the metallic petals. The flower purred happily.

"Maybe, to try and smooth things out, you could give some shore leave?" He suggested. He tried to sound nothing but helpful, but Addy could hear the string of hope under everything. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her, watched as she stroked the plant thoughtfully.

"Shore leave?"

"Aye, Captain."

"Hm. Where would you suggest, Mr. Sulu?"

"Well… we're not far from Telroc. There's a couple different resort cities there that I know everyone would enjoy." Telroc. She hadn't thought of that. They were rather close to that planet, weren't they? It was a planet very much like Earth, except that it was five times the size and distinctly more tropical – the perfect place for a vacation. It was the favored spot of many in Starfleet. It was the perfect place to boost morale. Addy looked over at Hikaru's too-innocent-to-be-innocent face with skepticism.

"You timed this talk so that Telroc was the only option, didn't you?" Sulu blinked in feigned confusion.

"Uh… I… I don't know what you mean, Captain," he stuttered nervously. She grinned good naturedly and chuckled, giving the flower one last pet before dropping her hands to the table.

"Telroc sounds like a wonderful idea. Let's go set our course and let everyone know, shall we? I think I've hidden long enough." Her helmsman smiled and nodded.

Suffice to say the idea had been accepted with a _warm_ welcome.

A day later, they arrived in orbit around the big, blue-and-green planet, and twenty minutes after that were cleared for shore leave. Addy gave them all five days and a stern reminder that although this was a small vacation, they still represented Starfleet and were to act accordingly or incur punishment. After the last few weeks, they knew how frightening her judgment could really be and all vehemently swore to behave respectably.

The _Enterprise_ was a very different ship without her 1,500 some odd crew on board. There were the stragglers that were staying as security, taking their own vacation in the reduced numbers in the ship's belly. And then there was Adelaide, wandering around, feeling too much like she was stuck in a ghost town, a symbol of loneliness filled with only shadows of what could be.

'_Story of my life,'_ she grumbled, walking down a hall that would eventually take her to her quarters. Spock had been on the first shuttle bound for the planet, so she didn't have to worry about seeing him at all. Rat bastard.

When she rounded a corner, lost in her thoughts, she ran face first into a hard, muscular chest, making her squeak in surprise. She took a step back, stunned, and looked up to see who it was that she could have possibly run into and swiftly glared up at the pair of hazel eyes.

"What are _you_ doing here, Bones?" He shrugged.

"I knew ya wouldn' go down, an' stay here instead an' mope the whole time–"

"Fuck you, I do not _'mope!'_"

"–so I thought I'd save ya from yaself." Addy sniffed at him, affronted, and continued on around him, her pace brisk. He sighed and hurried after her. "Don't be like that, kid, I'm tryna help ya feel better."

She snapped and stopped suddenly, whirling around on her friend who jumped at her abrupt stop.

"Oh _now_ you want to help me?!" she shrieked, voice echoing in through the empty halls. "What about last fucking week when I needed to talk to you, asshole?"

"Adelaide, I told ya, there's nothin' else I can do. I don' know Spock any better n'you do," he shot right back at her. "I sure as hell don' know anythin' about Vulcans or what to say, it's all damn mind games with them. I can't help ya with all ya problems, Missy miss, especially when it comes to the heart. This one… this one ya gotta sort out on ya own."

Addy didn't realize she was crying again until he brought a rough padded thumb up and caught it on his fingertip. She angrily wiped the tears out of her eyes, so ready to be _done_ with crying over Spock when he so obviously didn't even want her. Bones looked down at her with sympathy, even as she gave him a withering look, his arms open for a hug. Friendship won out in the end though, and with a shuddering breath, she all but collapsed against him, not bothering with the tears this time. He held her for a long moment, letting her have her emotional moment in peace before her gently pushed here away from him. She cleaned her face off with her sleeve (she really needed to wash this thing now), and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm still mad at you," she grumbled, "but I guess this is what they call 'tough love,' isn't it?" Bones chuckled.

"More like a kick in the ass if ya don' figure this mess out, soon. Now c'mon. We gotta get ya fixed up fer paradise. Ya need a break from yer job just as much as the rest of us." Resigning herself to her fate with a grateful smile, she set off for her quarters once more, this time in slightly better spirits.

* * *

Telroc was even better than the rumors. Endless beaches and sunshine, fruity drinks she couldn't pronounce the names of, and parties everywhere. Everyone wanted to dance with her, and no one cared about her name. Bones, southern gentleman that he was, preferred to stay away from those things, but that mindlessness of dancing pressed up against a complete stranger was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to forget who she was, forget her role as Captain, forget a certain pointy-eared bastard that wouldn't give her the time of day. Forget it all. She wanted someone to want her just for the bat of her eyelashes and sway of her hips, not the legacy of her name and the expectations pushed onto her by her father.

She lost Bones after the first day, most of which she pleasantly didn't remember. She knew there'd been many drinks, strobing lights, and something to do with a pink elephant, but when she woke up wrapped in the arms of someone (woman?) with purple skin, she decided she didn't care what happened yesterday, but she was glad it did.

She got herself a room for the rest of leave time and set out to look for her friend to apologize. She'd tried calling him on his communicator, but he wasn't answering, so she'd have to do it the old fashioned way. No such luck. She was slightly worried when, at the end of the day, there was no sign of Bones, but he was an adult, and he could handle himself fine in a fight. She didn't need to be worried. Besides, hadn't she come here for that exact reason?

The third day she spent milling through local gift shops, getting things for her friends on Earth. When night came around, she slipped into another club, but limited her drinks and kept minimal dancing. She was enjoying herself, to be sure, but decided it wasn't nearly as fun by herself.

The fourth day shit hit the fan.

She'd woken up early and thrown on her bikini and a sundress over it (neither of which she'd worn before because of the scars that riddled her body, but thanks to Khan's superblood, her skin was blemish free) and hit the streets. She didn't really know what she was doing today, but the spontaneity was a welcome change. She saw a few of her crew and gave them a smile and wave, but kept on her way. It was a vacation, and she didn't want to ruin their time by encroaching on their activities. This was supposed to be time they could get _away_ from each other. Especially her. She'd stopped for lunch at a little shack on the beach, hiding her face under an obscenely large sunhat and reveling in the sound of the ocean waves when a disgustingly attractive man had taken the seat next to hers and struck up a conversation. He wasn't human, that was apparent, though for how he looked, he might as well be.

Well, mostly.

The green hair and orange eyes definitely weren't human, but his skin was pale and freckled like a Terran's, and really, people should wear signs about these kinds of things, because it was starting to throw Addy off her game.

He was nice enough, though. Trying too hard, but funny. He made her laugh so hard her nose crinkled. But not her type. And she wasn't really looking for a fuck tonight, anyways. She just wanted to lounge around and enjoy the sun that wasn't her own and pretend this was all she had to do for the rest of her life. Still, out of courtesy, she let him buy her a drink. Something bright pink and smelling like bubble gum and exactly the thing Addy _wouldn't_ get for herself, but he looked so hopeful with it in her hands, that she felt obligated to choke around a mouthful and thank him. It was nauseatingly sweet, covering her mouth in sugar and sticky gross-ness, so she delicately set it on the sand and reclined back on her towel when things… changed.

Addy first noticed the problem as a strange tingle over her skin. Not unpleasant, but confusing nonetheless. She didn't burn easily, and it didn't feel like a sunburn, anyway. It felt more subtle than that. She'd ignored it, carrying on her banter with the man next to her, but it only grew in strength until it was an itching sensation, centered between her legs. She realized with some alarm that her body was physically turned on to a level she hadn't felt in quite some time, and she had no idea why. It wasn't the man next to her, Spock wasn't anywhere nearby, and she was careful about leaving her drinks unattended. And then it hit her.

Drinks. The alien man had bought her a drink, and she hadn't even bothered to ask what was in it. Oh she could just shoot her own foot off for such stupidity. Bones certainly would if he ever found out she'd let herself get drugged on an alien planet. Shit. She was really starting to hurt, now.

With as much grace as she could, Addy calmly (shakily) stood on her feet and excused herself, taking the pink devil work with her. The green haired man looked disappointed, kicking the sand beneath him before sulking off. Addy promptly dumped the drink in the nearest trashcan and left the glass and headed back towards the direction of her hotel, but walking was getting difficult. She was panting too hard, and her hands were shaking. God, she was so damn _horny_, she could almost just sit here in the street and fix the problem. Her clothes were sticking to her skin with her sweat, and she could feel a pooling wetness between her legs. She moaned as someone brushed her shoulder walking by. The sensation of their shirt rubbing against her shirt was too much, it sent shocks of pleasure through her system, and she fell to her knees, panting.

'_So fucking stupid. How could I let myself almost get date-raped like this!?'_ she shrieked at herself.

"Excuse me, miss?" a voice asked above her. She raised her head, her vision slightly fuzzy. The man had long black hair pulled back in a ponytail and nothing but swimming trunks. He looked concerned.

"Miss, are you okay?" Addy snatched his arm, pulling herself to her feet, and dragged him behind her. She couldn't think. She hurt. She was in so much pain, and dear _god_ his skin was warm. She panted as he protested behind her, and yanked him down an alley. She shoved him against the wall, pinning him by his shoulders, and crashed her lips to his. At first, he was unresponsive, trying to shake her off him so he could bolt, but she growled and pushed harder. She swiped at his mouth with her tongue and pressed her whole body against his, and that was all it took. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close, and she wound her hands in his hair. When his mouth opened, she shamelessly shoved her tongue through, battling for control against him.

She had no idea how long they were like that. Kissing, for the time being, was enough. She felt the pressure building with ever sharp breath and nip of his teeth and holy fuck, she was going to come just from a fucking kiss. It was the best damn kiss of her life, though whether that was because of his skills or her drug induced haze was debatable. Addy didn't even realize they had an audience until the man pulled his mouth away from her own to tell them to fuck off. She latched her mouth instantly to his neck. She couldn't stop. She had to keep going. She hurt _so bad_, just please, dear god, _please make it stop._

"Adelaide!" a deep voice barked behind her. She stilled, despite the despairing cries from her body. She knew that voice. It rumbled right through her chest and intensified her feelings so acutely that her knees knocked together. She looked over her shoulder and gasped at the too-familiar brown that was watching her, horrified. Though he was doing his Vulcan best not to show it.

"S-Spock?" she panted. The stranger with black hair (but nothing like Spock's _oh gods, Spock was right here_) tightened his arms around her.

"You know this asshole?" he muttered. Spock's eyes twitched ever so slightly as his gaze shifted to the shorter man.

"Release her," he said softly. Addy shivered. There was danger in that voice. She'd heard it before, when Spock was talking to Khan and bargaining for her life. It held the promise of pain and Jesus that was really hot.

"Hey piss off, pal! We were busy." Addy pulled against his grip on her. She needed to go to Spock. She needed him. Why had she even bothered with this man? She should have just found Spock in the first place. He was here now, and he could make it all better. She wanted Spock. Spock. _Spock._

"Yes, I am aware of your previous activities. However, seeing as her judgment is impaired by what I am assuming is copious amounts of alcohol, as her friend it is my duty to school her against making mistakes I believe she will later regret. So I am telling you to release her." Addy shook, the warmth in her stomach growing. She loved it when he got all commanding like this and just took charge of a situation.

"Fuck you! Who are you calling a mistake!?" The guy's arms dropped as he faced off with Spock, distracted by the affront to his honor. Spock's eyes burned with anger, and he raised an eyebrow.

"I believe I made it quite clear I was speaking in reference to you." The man made an offended noise, and looked as if he was about to charge the Vulcan, but Addy didn't care. She was free. She could get what she needed. She took a stumbling step towards him when the other man grabbed her wrist. She panted, pulling against him and looked behind her, eyes begging.

"What do you want with that asshole?" She whimpered. She was going to lose it any second, and she needed Spock before that could happen.

"Please, just… I need… I…" she tried to explain, but she couldn't form the words. She groaned instead, the feeling of his hands around her wrist too pleasing to be legal. But he wasn't Spock, and she needed Spock. She turned her head to look at him, his eyes rapt on her. She reached a hand out to him, on the verge of tears.

"Spock," she moaned, voiced breathy and needy, "Spock, _please_…"

The man behind her made a disgusted noise, muttering an angry, "Fuck this noise," and letting go of her hand. Surprised, Addy fell forward with the force she'd been trying to pull away, but Spock dashed forward and caught her in his arms, holding her protectively against his chest. The stranger stomped off, pissed, but she couldn't give two shits. Spock was here. She smelled like mint and incense, and she wanted to like it all off his skin.

_Spock was here._

"Addy, what has happened to you?" he asked, sounding concerned and slightly panicked. She knew if she looked at his face, it wouldn't show, however. He was too good at that. But she was too good at reading him, so even if he didn't want it, she knew what he was feeling. Her brain bumbled along as she tried to remember how this had happened and find the right words to tell him. She couldn't breathe, though. She just wanted. She _wanted_.

"Beach," she stammered, "stranger… drugged." Spock pursed his lips, his arms tightening around her shoulders, making her gasp. She wiggled against him, suggestively. Why were his clothes still on? He was here to fix this, right? So why wasn't she better?

"Spock, _please_," she begged, "I need you." He stiffened. Spock shoved her, holding her arm's length away from his body. She could just fucking cry. Why wasn't anybody giving her what she _wanted_!?

"Addy, you do not know what you are saying." She bit her lip. His eyes snapped down to the movement. She crowed internally. Hope was not lost. She could still get him to help.

"I know exactly what I'm saying," she breathed. "I need you, Spock. I need you so bad. Please, Spock, it hurts." She could see the lust in his eyes. Damn her dress for having sleeves. He was very carefully not touching her skin. She wanted to feel it pressed against her, smothering her, wrapping around her, moving _in_ her until all she'd ever known was this man before her. He seemed to go through a great internal struggle of some kind, and she tried to break out of his tight grip so she could just fucking _kiss_ him already and show him how wonderful this could be, but he was relentless.

Without a word, Spock let go of her left shoulder and brought his hand up to stroke her cheek. She shuddered at the movement, and what it did to the feelings inside her. His skin was even _warmer_ than the last man's. She leaned in to his hand, loath to let the feeling pass, but he firmly pressed his fingertips to certain points on her face and leveled her with a hard look. She furrowed her brow, confused. Why did he look so angry with her? Why was he pressing his fingers to her face?

It was only as her world went black and she fell into her First Officer's arms that her brain finally supplied the words "telepathically induced sleep."

* * *

When she woke, it was in a room not her own. The sound of the ocean drifted through open windows, a light breeze gently swaying the sheer white drapes. The bed was soft and comfortable, but not too soft. It had support in the right places. It felt like she was lying on a cloud.

'_Why couldn't I get a room like this?'_ she thought idly. Yawning she sat up and noticed with some surprise that it was sunset. How long had she been out? Wait, where was Spock? She looked around the room and found him leaning against a doorway to what appeared to be the kitchen, but the Vulcan made a better door than a window, so she couldn't really tell. He was staring at her. She ran over what had happened in her mind and closed her eyes in mortification. How in God's name could she act like that in front of one of her crew? Spock, no less. Jesus, she'd practically molested a complete stranger.

"Are you more in control of yourself, Adelaide?" Spock's quiet voice made her jump. She nodded. He still sounded upset. "Good."

"Uh… look, about what happened, Spock. I'm sorry you had to see that and that I…" Addy's voice trailed off as she blushed, thinking over her actions.

"Apology accepted, though unnecessary for that particular incident." Addy frowned.

"'Unnecessary?'" she echoed.

"I believe what you should be apologizing for, Addy, is letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be drugged by a stranger." Ah. That. Yes. There was that too. She ducked her head, fiddling with the threads of the comforter.

"Yeah… sorry…" she said lamely. Spock remained silent. The tension grew between them until Addy couldn't stand it anymore and she had to either scream or bolt. This was the last person she expected to see on her vacation. Let alone under such embarrassing circumstances.

"Well," she said, throwing the blankets off her and leaping off the bed. "Thanks for your help. I'm feeling fine now, and I don't want to impose, so… I'll just be off." Spock pushed off from the doorway and quickly stalked over to stand in front of her. He looked angry.

"You will do no such thing." She frowned. Now she knew she hadn't had the most decorum, but who did he think he was telling her what to do like that?

"_Excuse_ me?" she demanded. Spock looked at her flatly.

"I said you will do no such thing." He stepped towards her ominously, and she reflexively took a step back. Her stomach chilled with dread. Spock wasn't just angry, he was downright _furious_. She trembled.

Shit.

Why was it so hot when Spock showed emotion like this? Was the drug still in her system? She contemplated these thoughts as she backed away from him, her body quickly getting too hot and tingly for her to feel comfortable. The breeze coming in off the beach was a nice relief on her too-warm skin. And while all this happened, Spock looked ready to go to blows.

"Now Spock, we can talk this over…" Her breath was heavy. She was frightened. More than frightened. But beyond that she was really fucking turned on. So aroused that her brain was fuzzy, and she couldn't think past anything but the completely instinctual _want_ deep in her belly. Certain body parts were starting to throb and ache, and that was just getting annoying.

"I believe there has been enough conversation for tonight, Captain," Spock growled, looking for all intents and purposes like he was a rubber band ready to snap. Addy shivered. She _ached_.

"Spock, I'm sorry, but how was I supposed to know–" His hand slapped over her mouth, cutting off her feeble explanation. His eyes boiled with the force of his barely contained emotions, to which she was now privy.

"_Enough._" She whimpered as his feelings crashed through her mind with the force of a tidal wave.

**Jealousy. Possession. Rage.**

_**MINE**_**.**

Adelaide locked eyes with the taller Vulcan, her brilliant blue pleading with him, though for what she hadn't the faintest idea. She rubbed her legs together frantically, trying to relieve the growing pressure. She was afraid. Spock had never acted like this before. She could feel the power flowing through his muscles as an echo in her mind. He was the one in control here, and the last time she'd let a man have control over her… well, she just didn't let that happen anymore. It made her feel small and helpless , and she instinctively tried to shy away from his warm (_warmhotohgodsohot_) hand.

He snarled.

She froze.

His brown eyes, too human for such an obviously Vulcan face, smoldered with possessive lust, and she could feel the swell of it in his body rock through her own.

_She ached._

"_Enough_," he repeated, voice heavy.

In hindsight, that drink had probably been a very bad idea.

* * *

**A/N: Okay. So... re-reading what I posted off my phone, and getting reviews, I realized that the end didn't flow as well as I wanted it to. So I tried to connect them better together. To the anonymous guest that said there was a formatting error: I wrote the chapter like that on purpose. The beginning you're seeing the consequences of what Addy did, and the rest of the chapter is the back story behind those consequences, getting the audience caught up in how Addy and Spock got in such a compromising position.**

**Thank you for the love everybody, and keep it coming! (;**

**Peace.**


	5. When My Loneliness Is through

**Hello, darlings!**

**Here I am, back from the dead. No, seriously. I can't even begin explaining why an update has taken as long as it has, but suffice to say there was drama with the friends and family, I moved over 1,000 miles away from home, got engaged, and then MORE drama with the friends and family. But I never forgot about Addy and Spock's unresolved... Ahem... tension. Unfortunately, that is not in this chapter, but I have a couple things that will make up for that. One, this chapter has been written, edited, scraped, and written again over many, many months, so that means I am very satisfied with the finished product. That has also made it a rather long chapter. Two, this is the conclusion to the story. All things I set up in the previous chapters (aside from the horizontal tango) are resolved, I feel, which makes me happy. And three, I also have the epilogue to this story (that DOES involve sexy times), AND the next chapter for my story 'Reaching for the Stars'. **

**I hope, in some small way, that can make up for the wait. And please expect a chapter for 'The End of Innocence' soon as well, and hopefully more regular updates.**

**So, without further ado, I give you the long awaited conclusion to Adelaide and Spock's relationship. I've certainly enjoyed this journey very much, long as it has been. I can only hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have.**

**Kisses,**

**MD**

**P.S. Special shout out to all of you lovely people that reviewed and kept reading this story. Thanks for stick with me the whole way. You guys are really... well... inspirational. (:**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Stark Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.**_

* * *

Addy's mind was slow to come to, like trying to leave behind the sweetest dream knowing that reality could only compare in shades of gray. She was aware of things slowly. She felt warm and comfortable, with enough of a chill to the breeze on her face to keep her from overheating. She was lying on silken sheets, curled around something _hot_, but the heat was not unwelcome. Addy always preferred staying warm, anyway. What really brought her out of her stupor, though, was that she realized that her head was resting on something distinctly not a pillow. It was hard muscles and the touch of skin to skin, not the down of feathers and stuffing and the coolness of an undisturbed pillow case.

Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Adelaide cracked them open and saw she pressed quite intimately up against a body, her hand kept against their chest protectively, like she'd been afraid they would leave while she dreamt. She shuffled around, her muscles heavy with the weight of sleep, and noticed with some amusement that her legs were tangled up with theirs. Whoever this person was. She let her eyes drift shut again and breathed deeply, appreciating the spicy/musky/incense smell of the person next to her. She was fully content to drift off to sleep again, but froze when the person next to her chuckled and her heart stopped as she recognized the voice.

"I am pleased to see you are awake, Addy. I was beginning to wonder how extensively the damage for a human mind is when one faints, and was debating whether to call for medical assistance." Mortified, Addy shot away from Spock's enticingly warm body, her face flaming.

Shit. That's right. Of all her conquests, of all her sexual encounters, _this_ one had to be the one where she couldn't perform. Addy hid her face behind her hands. She could practically _feel_ the laughter Spock would never admit to, and it only served to deepen the blush on her cheeks. Her mind scrambled for some sort of explanation for the compromising situation she found herself in, and she curled her toes around the comforter as it came back to her in a swift rush.

_Spock's lips crashed against hers with the force of a tsunami, and it made Addy squeak in surprise. Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips moved against hers, and she distantly noted that his lips were even softer than she'd fantasized. She moaned when his tongue swiped at her bottom lip, begging entry, and she hastily opened up to grant him access. His body was pressed up against hers, pinning her between the wall and his chest, and he was encasing her in a cocoon of warmth and safety. His body ran warmer than a human's, and the close contact was make her insides melt in all the right ways._

_The most interesting part of kissing Spock, besides actually kissing him, was that through the skin to skin contact and their dormant bond, she could feel all the emotions he was feeling. She could feel every spike of lust he had for her when she nipped at his lips or licked into his mouth. She could also physically feel what it was like kissing herself and not to brag or anything, but she was thoroughly impressed with her skills._

_It was dizzying, so much stimulation from so many directions, and she didn't know what to do. She wrapped her arms around her Vulcan's neck to bring him closer to her and to hold on to something stable amidst the turmoil of her emotions. Her inner thighs were damp, and there was already a light sheen of sweat on her skin. It was only when she felt lightheaded that she tore his mouth away from Spock's to gasp for air. Without missing a beat, his scalding lips had moved over her face and down her neck where he found a particularly sensitive place by her ear that he abused mercilessly. Addy's legs shook and her grip on him tightened as she fought to get her emotions under control._

"_Oh fuck, Spock, oh God," she moaned as his hands moved from the wall to touch her body. He caressed her skin like the most expensive silk, his fingers barely touching her but leaving a trail of prickling warmth in his wake until he finally settled for a hand over her ass and one in her hair. He used both to pull her more closely to the contour of his body, and she groaned shamelessly when her hips slotted against his, and she felt the evidence of his arousal pressing into her abdomen. She threw her head back against the wall, ignoring the loud crack, giving him better access to her neck, and he growled in approval. She threaded her hands through his hair, messing up his simple but orderly hairstyle._

_When Spock bit down on her shoulder hard enough for her to yelp in pleasurepainholyfuck, her legs gave out. His grip around her tightened, and faster than she could gasp for breath, he had her legs wrapped around him and pressed her against the wall once more for leverage. His right hand slowly wandered its way under her shirt, ghosting over her fluttering stomach and up higher toward her chest. Her breathing quickened in anticipation, but he purposely ignored her breasts, trailing up her side instead, and she groaned in frustration. Using the wall and her tight hold on him, she ground her hips against his in retaliation, making him gasp in her ear, and both of their bodies responded with deep waves of want that Addy could feel through his open mind. _

_It was too much, too fast. She didn't know how to breathe. Spock was slowly inching her shirt up higher, and his hips were rhythmically moving against her own, and the kinds of things he was doing with his mouth should be illegal. Her mind trembled from the overload of data and when he pulled her lower body against his on a particularly hard thrust, she keened his name out in the most needy, breathless voice she'd ever heard herself make during not-sex…_

…_and promptly fainted._

"Ohmygod," she breathed, so embarrassed with herself she didn't know how she could ever look at her first officer again. "I cannot believe I passed out…"

"Indeed," Spock agreed, and she could _swear_ the bastard was laughing behind that complacent tone. "I must admit I was rather astonished. I had no idea you were so sensitive to faint from sensory overload when I had not even taken you to bed yet."

Addy spluttered and looked behind her, floored. She had never heard the Vulcan speak with such candor and was rendered speechless by his shameless admissions (even though she'd heard people talk dirtier than that, for Spock, that was practically nasty). He had an eyebrow raised, though it looked less condescending and more… smug. And she could see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. But she blinked, and he looked as he always did, calm and in control of everything, and she didn't know what to think. She was so confused.

And maybe just a tiny bit happy that Spock had snogged her to oblivion.

"Well I'm not exactly used to feeling the other party's emotions and senses at the same time," Adelaide muttered defensively. Spock nodded good naturedly and rubbed his hand up and down her spine. She subconsciously leaned into the warmth and security of him, her heart skipping a beat at the intimacy of the act.

"I apologize for overwhelming you, Adelaide," he responded softly. "I was not in control of my emotions and as such was unable to properly guard you from my mind." She blinked at him, her body slowly relaxing and nodded, breaking his gaze and looking down at her hands.

"It's alright. It was my fault for being so careless and making you worry over me." He nodded at this as well.

"Yes, it was." She glared at him even as she smiled for the jab and sighed, wiping a hand over her face.

"What time is it?"

"2122, Terran time," he answered, and of course he wouldn't even need to look at a clock. She pushed the blankets off her, living through a moment of déjà vu, and shivered at the immediate loss of warmth.

"Well, I guess I should be getting back to my room, now." Spock's hand on her back stopped its circular motions and she felt him stiffen behind her.

"Are we not going to discuss the implication of our actions earlier?" he asked softly. She sighed, hanging her head, before turning her body around to face her friend fully. Addy had no idea what to say to him, really. She didn't regret it, not for a moment, it had been the purest sexual encounter of her life, and she hadn't even had actual sex with the guy. She hadn't even lost any layers for crying out loud. But it frightened her how lost she'd gotten in the waves of lust from the both of them. It had been stewing for a long time between them, she wasn't blind. And with Spock's actions lately, she'd known somewhere inside herself that it was all leading up to this point. But that didn't excuse that he'd still hurt her by shutting her out with no explanation, and she'd been hurt by people in the past too often to fuck and forgive just like that. It had been a long road to self-respect, but now that she had it, she was hesitant to give it up for anyone, even the man she'd been in love with for longer than she remembered.

And it had been great. She didn't mean to hurt him by pulling away from _him_ this time, but there had been no apology from him. No him coming to her bearing his soul or at the very least, no logical explanation for his emotional temper tantrum with her as of late. And she wasn't going to let that slide.

"Depends," she told him plainly. He furrowed his brow and pushed himself to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard with his hands in his lap.

"May I inquire on what?" She leveled him with a flat look.

"On if you will actually be willing to _talk_ to me for the first time in how long has it been now? Oh, right, since we set off from Earth _three months ago_. Before that, even, since I only saw you on Earth after waking up in the hospital and then when we were given our orders and _also_ had to wait three months before regrouping with the ship to launch!" Addy realized how bitter she sounded when her voice raised, and felt a twinge of guilt when Spock dropped his gaze and look for all intents and purposes sheepish. But it was something he needed to hear. He'd made decisions on certain actions, and these were the consequences.

"I… regret my past actions. They were not amenable to continuing a healthy relationship with you," he admitted quietly. Addy smiled softly to herself but tucked it away before he could see, keeping her face neutral. She was glad he was acknowledging what he did wrong, but that was only half the apology she was looking for.

"No, they really weren't," she said bluntly. Muscles by his left eye twitched and he met her gaze evenly, his face blank and expressionless. "But it wouldn't be 'amenable to continuing a healthy relationship with you' if I wasn't willing to forgive you." His expression softened minutely and she smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you," he told her earnestly. She held up a hand.

"Hold on, buster. I didn't say I forgive you quite yet. I want some explanations first." He nodded and sat up a bit straighter.

"Of course. To which faults must I answer for?" Adelaide giggle at his archaic way of speaking and propped herself next to him, leaning against the headboard and silently leeching warmth from his body.

"Well for starters, you can explain to me why you've been avoiding me like I've been plotting to kill you," she said. Spock considered his answer a good while, before he spoke, which she was thankful for. She wouldn't have wanted a knee-jerk response for this. She wanted a well-thought response with juicy details. The hurt part of her would only be satisfied when her snoopy tendencies were appeased.

"Simply put, we are _t'hy'la_." She blinked. Shit. When had he figured that out? Addy had known for some time now, ever since she met his older future counterpart, honestly. In the course of convincing her he was really future Spock and letting her know Nero's story, they had inadvertently bonded to one another. Addy had been surprised to find that the bond hadn't been able to stick to the Spock she'd bonded with and snapped over the Spock from _her_ time. Something about the flow of time and the distortion of space around older Spock and the universe balancing the equation or something. The explanation had been over her head, but she'd thought it best to keep the bond to herself, if her first officer wouldn't bring it up. If he hadn't noticed it, there was no reason to let him in on the secret, she'd felt. They hadn't been the best of friends at the time, and would have severed it immediately. Even though she didn't much care for the stoic Vulcan in the beginning, the warmth and unconditional love she'd experienced from the bond hadn't been something she'd been willing to part with just yet. And over time it grew to be a part of her, and soon the mere notion of letting it wither and die had appalled her.

Addy's mind scrambled to try and pinpoint the time that her Spock had figured it out, and wondered why he hadn't confronted her on the issue as she knew that bonding to someone without their permission or knowledge was of the highest crimes in Vulcan society, and synonymous with raping their mind. She blushed in shame and looked down at her orange painted finger nails.

"O-oh?" she asked, her voice catching. She could feel Spock looking down at her and the color on her cheeks deepened. "What's _t'hy'la_?" There was a long silence between them where Addy listened to the chirping crickets on the beach outside Spock's room and tried to calm her heart hammering in her chest.

"I feel safe in the assumption you have already been made aware of the meaning of _t'hy'la_, Adelaide," Spock said gently. She cringed and looked away from him, filled with guilt. The constant song that was her bond with Spock cooed at her gently, and she felt waves of affection and calm pushed on her, and she froze, even as her mood leveled out. Was Spock doing that?

"Do not fret," he said, his hand reaching over to her and gently stroking two of his fingers against hers. She shivered as her hand tingled, and she felt the pleasure of simply touching her from the man next to her. She took a deep breath and blinked heavily, trying to find the strength to look him in the eyes. She settled on his nose instead.

"I'm so sorry, Spock. I know what I did by not telling you was atrocious and I understand if you never forgive me, but I just… with older you it was… I couldn't –"

"I forgive you," he interrupted her babbling. She let out a shaky breath and dared to meet his eyes, flooded with relief and love when his brown eyes twinkled down at her. Addy couldn't see a trace of deceit or resentment. Amusement certainly, but so far as she could tell, he really had forgiven her. She smiled gratefully up at him and let her head rest against his shoulder with a sigh.

"Thanks, Spock," she said, capturing his hand that was still "kissing" hers and twining her fingers around his. He squeezed gently in reassurance and hummed happily.

"So…" she started awkwardly, redirecting the conversation back on track to the original topic. "You found out about… us… and avoided me because, what, it scared you?" His thumb stroked the back of her hand in soft circles for a moment before he answered her.

"In some small part, yes, you are correct. But that is not the entirety of the reason."

"What's the entirety?" Spock sighed heavily.

"I was afraid of my feelings for you and what it could mean for my position on the _Enterprise_. I could tell from meditations with our bond that you already felt the same, so that was not a concern for me. I was afraid of how… strong… my emotions were. I found it difficult to control certain physical and emotional urges in your presence. An unconsummated bond for a Vulcan, when fully realized by both parties in the mental capacity, is sexually frustrating, and when I discovered the existence in my mind, it was an arduous task to control my baser instincts." Addy's face colored lightly at the picture he painted in her mind, and he squeezed her hand at the tame wash of arousal she felt while her mind wandered. She blinked and pushed the thoughts down.

"I was also apprehensive of your reaction if I sought after such a discussion. You have the uncanny habit of running away from emotionally compromising discussions and this was not a topic I would be inclined to 'brush under the rug,' so to speak. The more time I spent avoiding you, the more likely you were to inquire as to the reason, and 76.5438 percent of the conversation scenarios led to the discussion of the bond between us. Out of those, precisely 54.759 percent of them ended with you running away. I was not confident by which method to use when conversing with you so as to minimalize that risk, and believed the best option to be to create space until I had come up with a suitable answer."

Addy listened in silence as he laid it out for her and mulled it over in his mind. Would she have run away if he let it be known he was aware they were _t'hy'la_ and bonded no less? She had to grudgingly admit that yes, she probably would have, petrified of his reaction as she would have been. Neither of them handled that situation well, really.

"I talked to Nyota not too long ago," she admitted, unsure what to say to his lengthy and honest explanation.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah. She pulled me to the side to ask why we were acting like stupid high school teenagers and to grow up and talk to you about things because they weren't her place to talk about and I needed to hear them." Spock was silent next to her, rubbing her hand with his. "I'm assuming this _t'hy'la_ business was what she was talking about?"

"…one of them, yes." Addy frowned and lifted her head away from his shoulder to look up at him.

"What else was she talking about?" Spock's face became grave and his lips thinned as his mind drifted away, lost in the memory of something Addy didn't think he enjoyed too much.

"The way I discovered we are _t'hy'la_ and bonded, but it is not necessary in the course of this discussion to explain that," he said thoughtfully, finally looking down at her, "unless you are curious, of course."

Adelaide blinked and shrugged.

"Why not? It woulda been something I asked you about eventually." Spock nodded, having thought the same thing himself. He looked down to where their hands were joined and stopped rubbing the back of her thumb. He let go of her hand, much to her disappointment, and shifted so he was lying down with his hands behind his head. He looked so relaxed and so… human. She marveled at how comfortable he must feel with her if he was able to be this much himself without worry that she might make fun of him for it. He looked at her expectantly, taking one arm out from under his ink black hair and extending it toward her in an offer. She smiled and snuggled next to him, pulling the covers up to her shoulder while her wrapped his arm around her, his hand settling on her left hip.

"How much do you remember of dying?" She blinked at the frankness of his question and frowned at the off tone in his voice. She could feel distressing emotions in the back of her mind and laid her hand on his chest softly, not knowing what else to do.

"Not much," she whispered solemnly. "I remember voices. Whispers. And then… cold. More cold than I've felt in my life, and then I was waking up in the hospital with you and Bones." He hummed softly, and she waited patiently for him to find the words to say, concerned by the bleak feelings she was experiencing with him.

"Spock..?" she prodded after a solid fifteen minutes of silence. He blinked three times before looking down her. His eyes were glazed.

"My mind wandered," he said distractedly. Addy frowned.

"I can tell. Where are you?" Some of the glaze left his eyes as he lifted his left eyebrow.

"That question is illogical, Adelaide. Since you are lying next to me and have physical contact with my body and we are speaking directly to each other's faces, you know exactly where I am located." Her lips quirked at him and she laid her head back down on his shoulder.

"I meant in your head, robot," she teased.

"Ah. I was experiencing… unpleasant memories. Please excuse my distraction." She knew without having to ask or prod at his mind that he had been back by the warp core, watching her die through half a foot of glass, and instantly sobered.

"When you… died," his voice cracked on the word, and she hugged him tightly to her, wishing she could do more to comfort him, "I pursued Khan for vengeance, all logic and reason blinded by emotions I still find strenuous controlling." She could feel them, pushing at the back of her mind. Heartbreak, regret, grief, loss, and a fury so profound that it scared her.

"I did not follow Khan with the intention of giving him a fair trial. I… regret to admit that I wanted nothing more than to end his life with my own hands as penance for his actions." Addy let that sink in for a moment.

"What stopped you?"

"Uhura beamed down to our location and saved my life while also warning me against killing Khan as his blood was the only possibility of restoring your life to you." She could picture how well that had gone.

"Mindlessly going after some guy to kill him in a fit of rage doesn't sound like you at all," she admitted, struck by how deeply Spock had really _felt_ her death. She felt a great sadness for him that he had gone through that and vowed to never put him through such an ordeal once again.

"Affirmative, but as you are aware we are _t'hy'la_. I do not know if you comprehend the implications such a bond has on Vulcans, but I can assure you it is not unheard of in Vulcan society for bondmates to seek vengeance without being reasoned with at the death of their _t'hy'la_." Addy wondered just how profound _t'hy'la_ really was to Vulcan and silently cursed Spock Prime for not explaining this to her more thoroughly when he had the chance.

"I see," she muttered while she thought over this new piece of information, and her mind sparked with an idea. "That was it, wasn't it? Nyota knows your culture and society, and when she saw you fly off the handle like that, it tipped her off that something was going on between us, didn't it?"

"Indeed, however Uhura had her suspicions before that specific incident." Addy's eyes widened slightly. Shit, if she had seen it, how many others had seen it without her noticing?

"How long?"

"Approximately 7 months, 2 weeks and 3 days from the day you…" She put her hand on his cheek when his voice died out and guided his eyes down to meet hers. She could see the ghosts of the pain he was still feeling from that, and her heart broke for the man in front of her. Without breaking his gaze, she slowly and pointedly lifted her face towards his until her lips were brushing over his. Just a light graze, a kiss of comfort, and when she pulled away, the despair wasn't quite so loud in his chocolate eyes. He offered her the smallest of smiles, barely a twitch of the lips, and she put her head back on his chest while he slowly stroked up her side and back down to her hip with his hand. She sighed lightly in pleasure, but focused on the conversation at hand.

"So then it was that brought this _t'hy'la_ business to your attention, too?" He nodded.

"Yes. I had much time to meditate while Doctor McCoy created a serum from Khan's blood and perform a direct transfusion. It was then that I realized the meaning of my actions and discovered my side of the bond." Addy remember with a shudder of cold fear the whispers that had been so enticing to her in the aftermath of her death. The ones calling out so sweetly for her to join them, to leave behind this world, and the other speaking in a language she didn't know that was deep and rolled like thunder and…

Addy stilled next to Spock.

"That was you, wasn't it?" she whispered.

"I do not know to what instance you are referring, Addy," Spock said patiently.

"When I died," his hand stopped moving for a moment before it resumed its lazy pace, "the voice in my head. That language I didn't know, that was Vulcan, wasn't it? You were talking to me?"

"…yes, Adelaide, that was me," he responded softly. She looked up at him in wonder, feeling like she was truly seeing him for the first time.

"You saved my life," she breathed. He made a non-committal noise, his eyes closed. Addy stared at him for a couple seconds before shifting her body so she extricated herself from his. She crawled so her face was over his and put one hand on either side of his head. Slowly his eyes opened and he blinked easily up at her, his free hand resting on the back of her thigh. Addy's eyes roved over his face in awe, and she couldn't believe how lucky she was. She'd been handed so much shit in her life and told to be thankful because she didn't deserve any better, and at first she'd believed it, and then she'd stopped caring. About everything. She'd recovered a bit of herself when she met Bones and went to the academy, but this man below her had brought her back to the person she was meant to be. This wonderful, Vulcan, _human_ man had gone above and beyond to save her life, not because he'd expected anything out of her, but simply because he valued her life and wanted her close to him. She meant it in so many different ways when she told him he'd saved her life.

Spock lifted his head and brought his other hand out to wipe at her damp cheeks softly.

"_Ashayam_, what have I done to produce such a response?" Addy blinked, one tear dropping off her chin and landing on his cheek. She brushed it away and stroked his face, so scared to believe any of this was real, afraid it would be ripped away from her if she let herself care. But this emotion she was feeling, as complex and frightening as it was, was too beautiful to deny.

"You're so beautiful," she told him by way of explanation, her voice watery. He brought his eyebrows together, confused as that explained nothing, and opened his mouth to tell her, but she quickly covered his lips with her own and he lost his chance. Addy kissed him long and with more emotion than she knew what to do with, but kept it relatively chaste. Spock lightly brought his right hand to the back of head and his other stroked the backs of her legs gently, and she smiled into the kiss. Adelaide pulled away before it could deepen too much and she lost the nerve.

"I love you, Spock," she cried, her happiness bubbling out of her. "I love you so much, I don't even know what to do with myself. It scares me how much I care for you; all the people in my life except for Bones have always let me down and hurt me, but I can't stop myself. It's so hard to breathe when you're close to me, and my head gets all fuzzy, and all I can think about is you. I don't know what I would do without you. You're just… you're so fucking _beautiful_, Spock, right down to your core."

The Vulcan looked up at her, shocked by the confession, and blinked once before his face melted and his lips pulled up in a tender smile. He cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears, and she could feel the swell of emotion from him in her head. Pure joy, love, warmth, fondness. Everything she'd ever wanted from a person and he was offering it up willingly, without conditions or reservations.

"And I love you, my _t'hy'la._ I am grateful that out of all the beings in the cosmos, _you_ are my _t'hy'la_. I could not have hoped for a better mind to admire, and a more tender _katra_ to cherish. And I _will_ cherish you for the rest of my life." His voice was soft and full of conviction, and she thought she could hear it crack with his own emotion. Addy sobbed harder, and would have thought Spock was crying too, but her eyes were too full of water to see anything properly. She leaned down and kissed him again. Kissed him for all he was worth. Kissed him with more of herself than she'd ever kissed anybody.

Kissed him like she'd been kissing him her whole life, and this was their first kiss, and like she'd never kiss him again.

END

* * *

**Alrighty, guys. Tell me what you think? I made Spock a little mushy in this and more freely expressing himself, but to me, at this point in their friendship, and** **after realizing just how important Adelaide is to him, I feel like he would let go a lot when she's the only one around him. Being t'hy'la has a lot of emotional implications as well. He's still the logical Spock that we all know and love, and I tried to express that as best I could at the same time, but he is definitely more relaxed around her than anyone else in his life, and that really comes through when he doesn't have to worry as much about being judged on showing his emotions.**

**Does that makes sense to you guys? Are you satisfied with their ending and resolve? Let me know in a review, and the epilogue will be posted as soon as I get this up.**

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful support and cheers to keep going. You guys are awesome. **

**Peace.**


	6. Epilogue

**Here we are, folks. The much awaited sexytimes moment between Spock and Addy. This is my first time writing something like this, ever, and I am not ashamed to admit that I am very insecure about how it came out. I'm worried it's too drawn out and detailed, therefore boring. Or not exciting enough. Or not realistic. Or I rushed it. And a whole bunch of things. So please, please don't judge me harshly if it seems like any of those things or all of them or other things. But I am not afraid to post it, because this is a different part of their relationship, and it helps to really explain how they feel about each other in the end, and what t'hy'la really means to them. **

**So... that being said *blushes* here ya go.**

**Kisses,**

**MD**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.**_

* * *

The return of the crew to the _Enterprise_ saw that several people owed Sulu some money and much thanks for talking their crazed captain in to some down time. Everyone came back with smiles, and a few tans, and lots of quirky gifts and souvenirs. Addy was glad to see Bones alive and in one piece. She hadn't really stopped worrying about him after that first day, but when she tried to ask him what happened that night, he blushed and spluttered something about public indecency and leaving her on her own. He'd walked away muttering about seeing things that should remain to be seen only during a doctor's appointment, and Addy crowed internally to have more fuel with which to torment her favorite doctor.

Within the coming weeks, Adelaide was both relieved and disappointed when her working relationship with Spock returned to normal (much to the comfort of everyone else). She knew he loved her, but he was so damn _professional_ with her all the time, it was nearly as aggravating. Granted she wasn't nearly as pissed at him as she had been before, but it was certainly a blow to her ego to witness how unrestrained and downright primal she could make the man, and then go back to dealing with him in the cool, reserved demeanor he'd had with her before all the drama. He was still kind, and maybe a little kinder to her than before, but he was still a man built on logic, and didn't let her get away with anything.

Addy was beginning to wonder where her special _t'hy'la_ privileges had gone.

It was made even worse because she now spent nearly all her time with the tall Vulcan, and he _still_ kept up the professional appearances. She didn't know what the deal was, but dreams of how his lips had felt hot on her skin tormented her, driving her to the edge of sexual frustration. Unfortunately for her, that heartfelt night hadn't ended in sex. She'd kissed him and cried, and cried and kissed him, and he'd held her until she drifted off to sleep once more. For a species that was supposed to be sexually frustrated all the time when a bond went "unconsummated"… he was surprisingly chaste. He never held her hand in public, which she could understand since to him that was another form of kissing her and Vulcans were a private people. But dammit he hardly even _kissed_ her plainly, and on the lips! Which was a sin. His lips were so soft, and he was such a good kisser, she was pretty sure that it was a crime to not constantly be attached to his lips.

Adelaide wondered how Uhura had kept herself in check for so long.

Many a day she woke up after a particularly heated dream with her panties soaked, and the strong urge to go through their joined bathroom and fuck her Vulcan's brains out into the empty black of space. Something always held her back, though. She knew he loved her, and knew he wanted her. But there was this voice in her mind, sounding suspiciously like her step-father, that told her she wasn't appealing to him and didn't attract him in any way unless his buttons were pushed. She knew it was stupid. She had a fucking mirror, okay? Addy knew just how damn appealing she was. She'd been blessed with this body, filling out in the right ways and curving in the right spots, so proportionally perfect. And yet…

Every day that passed without Spock making any advances, her self-confidence diminshed. Adelaide told herself to be patient, that this was unchartered territory for them both, but she could only tell herself the same things for so long before "the message" sounded more like "the excuse." It was after an especially trying day where she found her space constantly _invaded_ by the stupid, delectable man that she flopped back on her bed and huffed in frustration. She blew a stray curl out of her face with a harsh puff of air and glared up at the ceiling.

Her stomach felt warm and coiled in a tense knot, and she groaned as she thought of the blue cotton shirt and how it had brushed against her arms in such a way today. When her body had been marred with scars, she'd always worn undershirts with long sleeves, but after Khan's blood brought her back to life, it conveniently kept went above and beyond their hopes and rid her of every scar on her body. They were still there, in her mind, but it was nice not to see the constant memories on her skin every time she dressed. She wasn't used to the bear arms from the shoulder down, however, and Addy hadn't realized just how much warmth she could feel through Spock's shirt when she didn't also have one in the way.

Adelaide shivered as the memory of his room on Telroc flooded her mind and the knot tightened.

"Computer," she called out, "play 'When the Levee Breaks' by Led Zeppelin," she commanded, and waited for the sensual rhythm to begin before her hand wandered under her skirt.

_His lips traveling over her skin, burning his identity into her until no one would question who she belonged to._

"Fuck," she whispered, her fingers rubbing lightly over the lace from her deep blue panties (that, she remembered with a shiver of pleasure were the same shade of blue as Spock's science uniform).

_The power in his muscles as he held her pressed against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, her arms wrapped around his neck, holding on for dear life against the incomprehensible __**need**__ she felt for the man in front of her. His hips shifted, canted forward, and the hard length of him pressed into her just so, and she gasped…_

…deep and full of desire as her eyes fluttered shut. Her left hand kneaded at her breasts through her clothes while her right pressed hard against her clit, mimicking the memory that was fast dancing toward fantasy.

"_You let another man touch you, Adelaide," he growled, and she whimpered at the power in his voice. She clung to him, keenly aware of his right hand as it grazed between her breasts and the hem of her skirt, hiked up by her compromising position and exposing her barely-there underwear._

"_I-I'm sorry," she whimpered._

"_No, you are not," he accused, and chuckled as he bit down on her bottom lip and finally – __**finally**__ – took a hold of her breast, pinching her nipple through the lace of her bra. "But you will be."_

Adelaide gasped, twisting her nipple like the Spock of her fantasy, as her other teased around the lining of her underwear.

"_Sp-Spock, please," she begged, trying her best to thrash against him as he nibbled her earlobe and breathed on the sensitive flesh hotly, but he had her too well pinned. She couldn't let her grip on him go because neither of her hands were supporting her weight anymore, and half of the job was left to her and holding herself up. One of his hands was busy teasing her breast, hardening the nub between his hot fingers. The other was playing at the lining of her underwear, which were soaked and clinging to her skin._

"_What is it you want, ashayam?" He asked, his breath in her ear making her shiver against him._

"_I need… I need… " she gasped, breathless._

"_You need…?" he prompted, slipping his fingers under her panties and teasing from her clit down to her wet entrance._

"_Yoouuu…" she moaned, moving her hips against his hand. He pulled his face away from her to watch her face, loathe to miss any microexpression of pleasure as he baited her further and further toward her animalistic feelings, leaving all rational thought behind._

"_You should have thought of that sooner," he muttered, his voice husky. She swore loudly as his finger dipped inside her quickly before he pulled it out again, leaving her to huff in disappointment._

Addy moaned heavily as her fingers worked her higher and higher, matching the pace of the song, carried away by the forceful and commanding Spock of her imagination. She had no idea why this was so hot to her, it was a rather tame fantasy. But she soon realized it was because the Spock of this situation was so in control of himself, despite his obvious jealousy (and that was a whole different level of attractive), and she'd always wondered what it would be like to be on the end of such rigid control and who would last longer in such a situation. The only thing she could think of that turned her on even more was if she was able to push Spock to _lose_ that control and just screw her without pre-planning every touch for a desired response from her, but simply for the pure act of pleasure.

"Oh fuck, fuck, God. Spock!" she panted, both her hands between her legs at this point. She was moaning louder and louder, her breathing heavy when a loud clatter by her door made her gasp in fright and jump, her eyes flying open and her hands (regrettably) wrenched from her panties. Her face was a special shade of crimson when she saw the very man of her fantasy standing in the doorway, his eyes and mouth with shock. His cheeks were dusted with green, and she blushed harder when she realized she had no idea how long Spock had been standing there, watching her.

'_Shit!'_ she thought frantically. _'How many times did I say his name like that?'_

The silence between them dragged on, only broken by the ending notes of her Led Zeppelin song of choice, and Addy shifted uncomfortably on her bed. Her sheets were a little damp and a lot cold, and she was still wet between her legs. Now that she wasn't lost in the magic that were her fingers and genius brain, the way her underwear was sticking to her was uncomfortable.

"Can… Can I help you?" she stammered. Spock blinked, his eyes glassy, as he pinned her where she sat on her bed.

"Yes," he murmured, voice sounding suspiciously like how it had in her fantasy just now, "I believe you can." Addy shivered as her Vulcan walked slowly away from the discarded chess set spilled on the floor and closer to her bed. Her body warmed up again, and her breath caught at the look on his face.

"Well… uhm, what do you need?" she asked, voice softening as he got closer and his eyes smoldered so dark they were black.

"You know exactly what I need," he growled, and she instinctively backed away from him as he stalked ever closer. Her legs trembled and she couldn't find her voice as his tall frame stopped at the edge of her bed. They looked at each other in silence, Addy watching his every move waiting for him to pounce, and Spock looking at her in a new light, his mind replaying the vision of her pleasuring herself while thinking of him again and again.

"S-Spock..?" Addy asked tentatively. She felt the tension in the air build to a crescendo and snap after she said his name, and before she knew what had happened, he was kneeling on her bed, legs on either side of her, and hands caging her face. She quivered as she slowly brought her eyes up to meet his gaze and felt a new wave a warmth spread through her at the positively _dirty_ expression on Spock's face.

"Do you often masturbate while thinking of me?" he asked, his voice pitched low and rumbling. For a moment, Adelaide hadn't realize he'd been speaking to _her_, and just gaped at his gorgeous face before snapping to attention and blushing. She glared up at him and looked away, guilty of the answer before she decided to lie.

"No, I don't," she muttered. He let out one short laugh and leaned in until his face was so close to hers she had no choice but to make eye contact. He looked from her eyes down to her lips, down her neck and at her chest all the way to that special spot between her legs and back up. He could see the red color follow his gaze over her face and neck and examined how it bloomed when his gaze lingered in one spot for too long.

Fascinating.

"I do not believe you," he challenged her, his voice just as soft as her. She opened her mouth to refute him, but the deep coals burning at her from his face suddenly made it impossible to lie. She dropped her eyes to his chest and mumbled something unintelligible.

"I cannot hear you when you mutter so softly," Spock said. She glared up at him before looking down at her lap.

"I said yes, alright? I do." His lips twitched. So close…

"Do what?" Addy huffed in annoyance and rolled her face back up to meet his.

"Masturbate while I think of you. All the fucking time. But I wouldn't _have_ to if _someone_ would just quit beating around the bush and –" The rest of her rant died in her throat as Spock made a deep, hungry sound, and captured her lips. Addy brought her arms up and wrapped around him instantly, attempting to pull herself to her knees so she could mold herself to his muscular frame, but every time she shifted, he broke the kiss off. He would wait until her eyes opened and she was about to say something snarky to reattach their lips, dipping his tongue into her mouth in such a suggestive way, she had no doubts about where he was leading this.

Spock pulled away, breath heavy, and his eyes roamed over her face, taking in her swollen lips glistening with saliva, her eyes blown wide and darkened with her arousal, and the flush in her face. She blinked at him, bleary, and waiting for her mind to turn back on.

"The thought of you finding pleasure in your own body while you use your imagination to fantasize about me is quite arousing," he panted. She smirked and gave the bulge in his trousers a pointed look before looking back up at him.

"Yeah, I can see that." Spock gave her a hard look and grabbed her arms and manhandled her until she was lying down on the mattress, and he was hovering over her. She waited for him to do something, kiss her, rip off her uniform, stick his hand up her skirt, _anything_, but he simply looked down at her like an interesting experiment he needed to understand. Quickly losing her patience, she rolled her eyes at him.

"Look pal, I have needs that you interrupted, and kissing was nice and all, but if you aren't going to take it any further, than I am going to continue with what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted." She gave him a pointed look, and his expression dropped before his eyes filled with a dark want.

"I would not be opposed to witnessing this activity once again," he said softly. She blanched, not expecting him to call her on her challenge, but couldn't deny that the idea of getting herself off while Spock watched made her stomach flip in pleasant ways. She was embarrassed by it, to be sure, but it wasn't something she hadn't already done, and Spock was _more_ to her than any of her other sexual encounters. Grinning up at him lustily, she set aside her girlish nerves.

"Computer," she called out, proud that her voice was so clear, "play 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails." Another great sex song with another great rhythm. And this time, the song was actually about sex, and very blatant about getting a good fuck. No way Spock would miss _that_ hint, as clueless as he could be sometimes. She gave him one last look, memorizing his expression as his eyes followed her every move sharply before closing her eyes and letting the sound of the song and Spock's heavy breathing wash over her as the images sprang to life.

_She opened her eyes to look up at Spock. He was grinning down at her, examining the naked skin of her breasts and navel with his heated eyes. She squirmed under his gaze, nervous and excited, and his dark eyes snapped up to hers the moment she moved. So slowly, she thought she was going to burst from the tension, Spock lifted one hand and brought it up to her neck, stroking down the thin column and following the curve of her breasts. He was keeping away from the areas that needed the most attention, and she knew he was doing it on purpose. When he brought his hand up her neck again, she caught his fingers in her mouth and bit down gently as she could. The heady sounds her Vulcan produced went right between her legs, and she gave his fingers a long suck before letting him pull the over her lips with one quick flick of her tongue._

"_You…" Spock panted, "are a tease." Addy smiled innocently up at him._

"_I'm only repaying the favor," she said simply, sitting up and pushing on his chest until he was flat on his back and she was straddling his hips. She could feel him pressing into her back, and moved her hips so she stroked his whole length, enraptured as he closed his eyes and moaned._

Addy gasped softly as she grinded so softly against her hand, quivering when she heard Spock gasp with her.

"_Oh Adelaide," Spock moaned her name in such delicious ways, "Addy, my t'hy'la. You are sending my mind the most pleasant distractions." She giggled and ground down on him particularly hard, left out a hitched breath when his hips bucked and he grinded against her clit by accident._

"_Shit, Spock, do that again," she breathed. He obliged and thrust up against her._

"Fuuuuuuck," Addy moaned, her fingers pressing hard into herself, "that feels so good, Spock."

"Again," he demanded hoarsely. Adelaide repeated the action and whined at the threads of pleasure it sent through her body. "Describe to me the scenario in your mind."

Shit, he was going to make her say it? She blushed and shook her head. Spock growled and pressed his hand over hers, increasing the pressure and rubbing both their hands in concentrated circles. Addy threw her head back and let out a high pitched keen of pleasure as her hips moved all by themselves.

"_Tell me_ what you are imagining," he demanded once more.

"W-we're lying on the, oh fuck, the bed," she told him, having to force the words out between her panting and lewd noises. "You're on your back while… while I straddle you, a-and I'm rubbing myself up and down, oh shit, Spock, harder… up and down your cock."

Spock lowered himself onto her, gently pushing her hand and lace panties out of the way, his hot skin searing her sensitive flesh. She could feel the force of his lust weighing down on her now that he was touching her skin, and he could feel hers reflected back. She wasn't sure if he could see the actual pictures in her mind, or if it was just the spikes of arousal when she thought of how she'd started her fantasy, but whenever those pictures came up Spock left out a soft moan in her ear.

Addy turned her head to the side, looking for his mouth. When their lips met, he shoved his fingers deep inside her, and the loud whimper of pleasure was swallowed down. His tongue licked at her in time to his strokes, and she couldn't concentrate enough on kissing him but for the sensations between her legs. He was so _warm_, and he fingers were so _long_. When the kiss broke off and Spock pressed his forehead to hers, Addy realized just how much noise he'd been silencing with his mouth.

"Oh, fuck, oh Spock, _Spock_, that feels… fuck, that feels so good." She didn't even realize what she was saying, other than it was a long string of curses and pleading with him not to stop. She could feel the pressure in her stomach building and yes, yes, this was it, the moment she'd been waiting for for _days_ now –

-and he pulled his hand out of her at the last second. She held back a roar of frustration and wrenched her eyes open to glare up at him, but his face wasn't there. Confused, she looked down as his head was descending on her, and had just enough time to fist her blanket in her hands before his tongue took a good, long lick. He groaned at the tangy, musky flavor on his tongue, thoroughly enjoying the sensations he experienced when she emitted her sounds of pleasure. He could not help but feel a sense of male pride in the knowledge that his _t'hy'la_ was so helpless to her body because of him.

Addy gave up all pretenses that she had control over her body and went limp, relaxing, as Spock's tongue flicked over her clit and down to dip inside. When he brought his tongue back up and sucked the sensitive nub inside his mouth, biting down slightly, she jerked against him, slapping a hand over her mouth to quell the loud yelp that had nearly escaped. One of Spock's hands found her arm and yanked hard on it so it ripped away from her mouth, and he pinned them both by her sides without stopping for a second. This time, when he bit down again, she had nothing holding her back, and apparently that was how Spock liked it because he moaned against her, and the vibrations against her sensitive skin made her eyes roll.

When his tongue started rubbing over her clit at an increasing speed, Adelaide did her very best to hold on, but her hips were moving against his mouth of their own volition, and her voice wasn't her own anymore. She felt her own pleasure double when she felt Spock's increase at her wonton movements. The pressured knot in her stomach was coiling tighter and tighter, and she was trying to warn Spock, but all she could get out was his name before her muscles clenched and her back arched and he lapped at her like a man starved. Her whole body shook as her orgasm rocked through her body in waves, lasting longer than normal because she could _feel_ Spock's response to it, and it started the process all over, but eventually she calmed down. Her legs were shaking, and she felt like a limp noodle, but it was the best orgasm of her life.

'_And I _still_ haven't slept with him yet!'_ she exclaimed to herself.

With one last long lick, and a shiver up her spine, Spock released her hands and sat back on his legs to look at her with an expression she could only name as smug. She lifted her heavy eyelids to look back at him while she tried to get her breathing under control.

"I find that activity to be quite enjoyable," he commented easily, "especially if it makes you elicit such fascinating sounds." Addy blushed but smiled at him and raised her arms up for him. He responded with a quirk of his lips and leaning over her to embrace her in an affectionate hug. She sighed happily and nuzzled against his neck, nipping gently at the skin there, and licking her way up to his ears. He stiffened over her, and she continued on, interested. She licked his earlobe and sucked it into her mouth, biting down and Spock shuddered. She traced the outline of the shell of his ear, following the point with her moist muscle and teeth. He whined. She smiled and pulled her face back to look him in the eyes.

"Turned on?" she asked cockily .

"Immeasurably so," he rasped. She grinned and filled her hands with his perfect ass (seriously, you could bounce a quarter off that thing) to grind against him.

"Then why aren't you fucking me?" she demanded hotly in his ear. He met her eyes, and she nodded, bringing his hand down to feel how wet she still was. His eyes fluttered as he felt the evidence of her arousal, awed by the fact that this woman would want him so. She smiled up at him and stroked his cheek, bringing him down for a kiss that she quickly deepened just as the song ended, leaving them in silence. She nibbled at his lips and licked at his teeth before darting back into her mouth, enticing him to follow. How could he refuse?

Only when he was thoroughly and completely kissed did she pull back.

"Come on, Spock," she begged (he decided then and there that he would make her repeat that action in the future, many times), "I need you. Inside me. Please. I can't wait any longer."

"I find I feel the same," he told her softly, and slowly removed lace panties with an appreciative look, grabbing himself to align with her entrance. He rubbed the tip of his cock up and down, teasing her, until she was whimpering for him and only when she started cursing at him did he sheathe himself fully inside her in one hard thrust. Addy's back arched and she let out a loud yelp with her surprise. Spock gave her a moment to adjust to his (impressive) size before he pulled all the way out to the tip and thrust again – _hard_.

He set a brutal pace from the get-go. Not that Adelaide minded. She was sure Spock had it in him for slow and gentle (he was really a big teddy bear), but that was not for tonight. This had been too long in the making, and they'd been too long bonded without any "consummation" for him to have any kind of control. It didn't take long before she was teetering on the edge once again.

"Shit, God, Spock, I'm so close," she panted. He grunted as he played with her nipples, pinching and twisting and twirling. When had he taken off her dress? _How_ had he taken off her dress?

"I can feel it," he groaned as she squeezed down on him hard. "I am on the precipice of orgasm as well." She knew he was close, but there was something missing for him. He was too far gone, lost in the sensation of her gripping him, to work out what it was, but she could feel it frustrating him as he knew he would need it to find his release.

He was so lucky he'd unknowingly bonded with a genius.

Addy grabbed the hand from her chest and kissed each of his fingers as he watched her, enraptured, while she placed his fingers to her face. Knowing lit up his eyes and he smiled down at her with more love than she knew what to do with.

"My mind to your mind," he breathed.

'_My thoughts to your thoughts.' Adelaide gasped at the explosion of light and music in her mind. The underlying melody was seductive and undulating, but there were flits of music the flicked in and out that felt more like friendship and love to her than arousal. She cradled the bond to herself, and felt a warm presence wrap around her and the golden light both. She turned and found Spock standing behind her._

'_You're here,' she stated, for lack of anything better to say. _

'_I am,' he agreed, 'and I have something I need to show you.' He lifted his hand to her face to touch her meld points and she frowned at him, confused._

'_Aren't we already..?' He smiled, touching his hands to her face._

'_We are, but only on a simple level. I am leading you inside there,' he explained, gesturing toward the golden ball in her hands. Addy looked down at it in wonder, the music swelling in her mind and nodded at Spock._

_**Colors blurred by her so fast that she didn't have names for them all. They wrapped around her in whispers, caressing her skin like she was made of porcelain, running through her blonde curls. She could feel different washes of emotion for every color that touched her and knew that these belonged to Spock. She laughed in delight as they tickled at her cheeks and stomach, and groaned as they skimmed between her thighs and breasts. She sighed in contentment as they wrapped around her like a blanket, like a shield, and she wept as they swept her up in the most intimate hug.**_

_**Addy could feel every nuance of Spock's love for her. Every complication he'd felt along the way, and every doubt he'd battled to get where he was now. Every bit that he had struggled with and only made the emotion more lasting and permanent, rooted deep down in his soul. She was the singular most important creature in his life, and he would always drop anything for her. Never again would she be alone with her demons, never again would she fight against her own mind for feelings of self-worth. Never again would she be swallowed in her insecurities.**_

_**Brother.**_

_**Friend.**_

_**Lover.**_

'_**My t'hy'la…'**_

With a great gulp of air, Adelaide's eyes opened just as the tight rope in her belly hardened and snapped, shattering into millions of crystalline pieces of pleasure and love. She heard and felt Spock's own moment of orgasm both inside her mind and body before he collapsed on top of her. She choked on something in her throat and realized she was crying. She shivered against her bondmate's sweaty and warm skin as he brought his face out from the special place against her neck and looked up at her. She could see the tears in his own eyes and couldn't stop herself from kissing his face for all it was worth. He chuckled softly at her antics, and gently touched his fingers to those special places on her face they'd occupied only moments before.

They tingled.

"I would say I love you," she whispered softly, "but that word doesn't do this feeling justice. I don't know how to even explain…" Spock waited a moment before leaning up and brushing a kiss over her lips. His eyes were still shiny with unshed tears, but they were dancing and he looked more happy than she believed he'd ever been.

"You have many years to expand on your already extensive vocabulary. I trust you will find the words someday." She laughed and threw her arms around him, needing his skin pressing everywhere against her that she could manage at this moment, pressing a kiss to his neck.

"Maybe someday, Spock," she agreed. "Maybe someday…"

* * *

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're done. Haha... thoughts anyone? I'm all ears. Let me know what you think of the story and the characters and the progression of their relationship in a wonderful review, yeah?**

**Peace.**


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